My Heaven, Your Heaven
It is always tough to draw lines. Drawing lines at what is yours and what is mine.. most people might not like the very topic but I feel it is extremely essential to maintain harmony and move forward with some one. When I first started discussing this with a few of my 'friends'.. they replied that they understood what I was trying to say but in the end they asked me why I wanted to build walls around myself! Well the truth is they never understood it... My language might look I am talking on behalf of us but I actually speak for buddi only.
Each of us have our comfort zones, each of us enjoy solitude and each of us enjoy company. What varies is what we like and at what time. No one can tolerate a breach into their precious solitude nor can we bear a time without people around. Time and again each of us are tested in this... you are almost always disturbed when you are thinking about something... the answer "Nothing" quickly follows and then.. "tell na..." is shot at you. Caught up! You can't say that you had nothing on your mind (obviously you would be lying) nor can you reveal what you was going on in your head (you are just not comfortable, had it been otherwise you would have been thinking aloud).
Some time back, there was an ad (I think it is of Reliance)... everyone likes to give suggestions. Suggestions are for free. Everyone of us claim to have put ourselves in the others' shoes and tell them what we would have done. It is interesting the way people put it. Sometimes suggestions are very essential to start a new line of thought but ultimately it us who has to make the final call. (@ suk, pur, bmv - this is what makes you special, the decision has always been mine but the thought yours).
One of my friends indicated that most people around me actually always have good suggestions for me as they are few people who are concerned about our well-being. She was very right but I still feel the walls of the heaven are still strong there. When I had asked her, "If that is the case why don't you just listen to your parents and get married, after all they are thinking about your well being?". She was taken aback and I hated myself for shooting that question at her but may be we just need to learn it the hard way...
People make comments on my dressing, spectacles, umbrella, room, books, interests, friends, sports, ACADEMICS. Most of the times the comments are wrapped up in a joke... which I enjoy! Most of those are about things which I don't give much thought about.. I guess I stick to my comfort and almost it never hurts me when one of those comments falls by my side but sometimes people tend to dig into too much of them (esp. about friends, academics) and I start feeling a touch uncomfortable. Why don't you do MBA? Why are you so bad at your academics? Why are screwing up your career? Why are your friends like that? Look at your friends, you are way behind them!... I always feel I have had enough of those, but I guess they will keep coming back until I am washed away like the beach sand. I hope I have the energy to live on with my dreams and interest..
Well, I guess everyone wants to go to heaven.. but even before we actually reach there (no one knows if it exists) we have our own imagination of how it should be. I can bet each of our heavens are extremely different! They should be, after all one is mine and the other is yours! We hardly have anything same in life... from the time of birth to time of death, every single thing is different for all of us, I feel it would be foolish to claim that we think alike or we think something is right for some one. I have just not known any person completely so far!
Everyone in this world will reach great heights. Everyone deserves to and should be given a chance to bloom. Everyone should understand that our 'heights' could just be different and 'heights' are not necessarily academic excellence. There are so many beautiful things in this world which are worth living for... everyone has their own journey. Be a part of everyone's, listen to everyone's and help them move on. To quote from "The Last Samurai" - ".. a small measure of peace we all seek. But few of us ever find". I wouldn't like to hinder my friend's search for peace! Your heaven and my heaven are different! (but I wish to be a part of yours')
--buddi
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12 - 11 - 2009
