Stars Smile!!

This doesn't quite fit into Orkut and that is why it is here..

This is about someone who makes me feel like a GOD (and also blessing people..) whenever she is talking to me... from the heights I am taken to I fear crashing to death...

Sweet, Kind, Affectionate, Caring, Playful and what not... I have found every virtue I would admire and envy... may be of the few things I don't like much is her tendency to become a prey of unnecessary and avoidable circumstances... she is one of her kind...

I just fear whether I will ever be able to give her a fitting TRIBUTE for what she means to me and for all that she has done to me... at least I have to try

Sun sets,
birds go back home,
cool breezes begin,
everything becomes so pleasant,
another day comes to an end...

Stars show up,
united they glow,
innumerable dreams are born,
many unending counts start,
yet they are always out of reach...

Stars... glittering stars,
in cloudy skies...
we thought they were gone,
winds blow...
clouds are torn apart,
stars... glittering stars,
they are back again...

Stars smile...
they are never gone

Stars smile...
innumerable dreams are born

Stars smile...
hearts are elated

Stars smile!!

For all the good things that have come into my life after I met her and the others, all I have is a place in this blog and an already cramped heart... they definitely deserve more...

Well, she was just one of the many who made this moment as beautiful as it is... I pray to hang on for some more time... Some more time for me to find a TRIBUTE... Some more time for me to spend with them... Some more time for me to sail with them... I don't want names, I don't want rewards... All I ask for... Just some more time...

-- buddi
1459
27 - 03 - 2008

Unbearable love... I am receding!!

"blissed :) "

"a memorable day :) "

"I can't imagine even one day of my life in IIT without them..."

"its like... I can do anything and take any pain to be with them"

"Life is all about happiness. Find out the best people hidden near you"

So much love being poured in, so much care being taken, so much concern shown... This is what I prayed for, this is what I lived for...

So many happy people around... just can't be idle - sitting back on my bed... so many relishing moments, just feel so happy to be able to see all this! No more wasting of time thinking, no more wasting of time here writing... just go and take a dive, drown in the world of happiness and just pray that I die down silently... Whom do I thank, whom do I give credit... questions better left unanswered...

Just carrying a heavy heart, can't take more of it.. already cramped... just counting my days, just don't want to look back, just don't want to look ahead... I am happy where I am... I am happy as I am... I am receding, just staying afloat... going where it takes me... I don't mind..

O love... O friend... just be as sweet as you are...

--buddi
1933
23 - 03 - 2008

A mirror..

Yesterday... A day I will remember for years to come...

A day when I saw myself in another person... it was as if I was talking to myself... he was always there in front of me but it took me a long while to realize... "I knew him for over 3 semesters but still, I have known him only since yesterday"... sometimes you just miss out these people... he had opened up finally.

He shared things which once happened in my life... he confessed his mistakes... similar to the ones I had committed... everything reminded me of my dreadful past... I could feel his pain, for some time all that pain was back in my life... I felt helpless... all that I could do was just shed a couple of tears (and I managed to keep them unnoticed)... he was in trouble, he needed help... all of his experiences had left me speechless, I was left searching for words and even courage to talk something... all that I could do was lend an ear for everything he had... he talked about his sister, a sister he wanted to have. This gave me some hope... finally we had some one to help us out... she came there, she patiently listened to what was going on...

As the interaction went on, I found some relief as it was not the unknown to me... it was something I had been through some time back... just that it was a bit difficult to share my experiences with him.

Things were sorted out... things were back in place. Now the place did seem to be a better place for him - himself, his parents, his family and his sister - everyone was there in the reason, everyone was there in the interaction and everyone was there in the solution. He is now a more happy kid than he was... I just can't believe my joy after seeing elated, it was a hair-raising one... even after 10hrs after that incident, I am still running around with a happy heart, pounding!

Just can't believe what I had been through... just can't control my...

Thanks to this dear friend of mine and his dear sister for making me realize a few more mistakes, realize a few of relationships, realize that I had company and realize...

Just can't handle it... just can't look into mirrors any more... just wishing my dears are always out of that...

--buddi
0358
23 - 03 - 2008

You always have a choice

9th March 2008 at around 10.15am at Thiruvanmiyur beach, I was playing with the soft sand when I heard some one say "You always have a choice" - I just looked up to see who it was, it did remind me of the dialogue from the movie "Spider man"... but it was not just a borrowed line from a movie or part of a long conversation with a girl... it went almost unnoticed when I heard it for the first time, may be it needed a beach and a line from this beloved friend to drill into my heart...

It is not just a line with some message... Something better goes into it... it took me a long while to realise that. May be I am wrong even now but it did require some genuine effort from my side to arrive at some conclusions. They do seem to be quite obvious to me now, but I just needed some place to put them down.

"you always have a choice"... you do have a choice to read on or drop the idea!!

I once had a chance to tell my parents I wasn't interested, I once had a chance to confess that I stole money, I once had a chance to thank my friends when they celebrated my success, I once had a chance to keep up the promise I made to my favourite lecturer, I once had a chance to give my best in the last 25m to finish first in the 8 km run, I once had a chance to meet a professor right in time to publish a research paper, I once had a chance to give my best to attend INPC, I once had a chance to drop a movie to extend my last meet with my lecturer, I once had a chance... I always had a chance.

But why all these now? Just that these keep coming back as nightmares in my life... I missed those chances. I kept complaining all life, I kept blaming people all life, but I always failed to realise that I still had a choice. Sometimes I feel I was late at a few things, I took the wrong turn at a few places... but today I realised, the decision was always in my hands. And, if you fail to make the decision right, just accept the situation and one day you will realise that where ever you go, you always have something for yourself. Then it all melts down to your capability of finding out how capable you are in adapting to the situations and moving ahead and digging out your dear victories. This is a point I once made in my entry "Being at the wrong place"... but the irony is that I almost never put it to use. Just hoping that this time it isn't that bad... just hoping to follow a line made by my dear friend.

This article is dedicated to the person who inspired this thought, the person who has taught me a lot, the person I am sure has inspired a lot many more people around her... Mrudula. Thanking her...
There are lots to write about her... may be some time later.

--buddi
0245
18 - 03 - 2008

I just wish another Good Boy!!

I wish just another Good Boy!!

Some people make me feel big,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel sick,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel...

You aren't among any of those...
you are the one for whom I have nothing...
not a card, not a book, not a pen...
you are the person who has questions for me...
you are one with countless smiles
you are the energy in this piece of writing

May the joy and the smile live on
may the heart share some more smile to people around
just some more!!

If people say there is no end to selfishness,
then let there be no end.
After all what did I have for this friend of mine...
just a few more words from a dying soul
just a few words??
just wishing to do better...
just wishing that I had something more...
just wishing that I spend more time with him
just wishing...

JUST WISHING you success in all your future endeavours.
just wishing to be of some help to you...
I just wish another Good Boy!!

--buddi
0215
11 - 03 - 2008

This piece is dedicated to AMOEBA and the innumerable smiles he has brought out in my life...

Victory... What does it mean for us?

Yesterday had been a different day... a day of little success. It has been a day of little known failure for many of our team-mates. People went back to question their own ideas, their own work, but how relevant was it to the context is a question better answered by themselves. People tend to act normal, but people tend to like to move alone.

For the first time in life I really happened to be on the other side of the wall, first time I tried to pacify some one in "my" team. I knew how they felt, though I wasn't really able to tell them how bad I was feeling, though I knew I was over doing everything I tried, I kept trying. As time passed by people seemed to be getting back to normal but the whole environment was different, an unlike our-team environment. First time may be I was feeling the itch of being in a team, I had always preferred to be alone. Now, what is that really natters to me -
an institutional recognition to the idea which the team attached so much importance to, or, the 45 wonderful day the team had provided me. Those have been days of accomplishments, those have been days of modest victories. Robert Frost was right in saying - Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. May be it is the other way for the team.

I have always been a person with few accomplishments but more happiness in life. My failures never cost me much, may be a day or two's sleep. My incapability to make the people around me realise that this success never really mattered has been really killing me. This seems to be a bigger defeat than losing out in some competition. For the first time in life you seem to be involved with a team, you attach so much importance to it, you celebrate every moment in its presence and one day you realise that every moment you thought you achieved you never did. It is just a pack of cards falling apart. My unimaginably bright and happy days just came to an end. This is more painful. The "team"... I have failed to be a part of it, may be not my cup of tea but still I want to give one last try...

"Well I have made complaints to many people.. "I am never at the right place.... This is not the right place for me..." But here I am today seeing things in a much different way. Well i was at the right place most of the times... just a few things went wrong and life seems to have become miserable... we are almost never ready to accept that we enjoy as much as success as anyone else... but success really matters when it is hard-earned.. then it tastes sweet to you... failure on the other hand is the other way.. every undeserving failure brings along with it a bag full of hope and energy to work on...

All that matters is not the place where you are.. it is the work you put in to make the surroundings look more pleasing to you... You will enjoy the same success even without those efforts but your success will come and will pass by and even you won't realise that... nothing that adds to your joy...

All that you put in is to satisfy your egoistic needs..

given the place you are in now you can do two things.. put in some work to turn things your way or put in some more work to dig out your success which went on even without you realizing it..."

Just hoping that I never will have to work alone again... Just hoping that I never bid a GOOD BYE to the team which gave me those few yet innumerable memorable days in IIT... Just hoping...

--buddi
0745
07 - 03 - 2008

Few lines have been directly picked from my entry named 'Being at the wrong place'... just couldn't do it even the last time...

The butterfly effect

there is pleasure in being unorganized…
there is efficiency popping up from no-where…
there is synergy that is working magic…
then why??

we are supposed to move ahead…
does that mean that we build our tomorrow..
are we losing today in the run?
why don’t we realize that tomorrow - we are one day closer to our end…
our muscles turning weaker… few more brain-runs making more of ourself giving up…

we are going to work lesser tomorrow…
are we going to see our comfort when we grow old.. and do nothing today
or, are we going to work hard today and leave it for our next generations to take care of us and our work…

order comes from work…
order comes from culture…
order comes from members…
order comes from your heart… not from a set of rules being put in

for me a world of unanswered questions would be much better than a world of only answers and responsibilities… and the day I don’t see a question is my end…

PS: This doesn't quite fit in into this blog, but this was one stand I took... this does mean quite a bit for me

--buddi
0651
06 - 03 - 2008

A Dream... A day-out

Just as my eyelids close off at the end of a trip to ”just another” beach,

I realized that I was caught up in the eye of a storm of memories to carry ahead…

A living starts there,
The moment I see it,
I am lost dreaming,
I can feel it…
the strong-wind breaking up on me,
my hair reacting to these winds,
the sunlight showing up gently on me,
the water coming with all its might but unable to reach me,
the cool, wet sand inviting a dive…
I was there,
I was lost…

But only later I found,
I wasn’t alone,
castles were being built,
tunnels were being dug,
balls were being covered up,
life was still on,
life was being discussed,
life was being lived,
everywhere around me,
and how did I miss to be a part of this!

then came the time for the plunge,
a plunge into arguments,
a plunge into interactions,
a plunge into laughter,
a plunge into fun…
but then the end came…

it was a dream,
a phone call from home at 6am,
but I was a quick learner,
it just wasn’t another trip,
it just wasn’t another day,
back-breaking loads of memories to be carried over,
I just wish these days never come to an end!!

–buddi
1349
03 - 03 - 2008



And as always.. my CAMOPHOBIA continues..

She will be loved

Here is one of my favorite songs... not a very popular one.
The lyrics are so touching, definitely worth a read.

May be someday, I will sing this for some one...


MAROON 5 LYRICS

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Where do we stand??

“Tomorrows come,
Yesterdays go,

Promises come,
Accomplishments stay,

People come,
Members stay,

People die,
Good Work stays…

Take a stand today”

In this world of interpretations… in this world of clever people… in this world of carelessness.. it is a tough job to put across a point. When people tend to ski across the “serene” snow but fail to realize that they are standing on a frozen pond, rarely do you get to see the reality. Think different!

Not every time do you get a chance to enjoy,

not every time do you get a chance to claim your work,

not every time do you get a chance to prove you worth,

not every time do you get a chance to win for someone else,

Today could be your last, today could be their last… just don’t think, there is someone waiting with open arms in the darkness ahead… be capable to see that. Sometimes it does take a quite a bit to live in light. which one do you think is better.. “increasing the light around you so much that you go blind” or “sharing light and staying in a dull and yet a loved place“. Where are we going next?

this is just another stand..

–buddi
1227
01 - 03 - 2008