A world within

I have a world within
interesting and important for me
all the things that made me
and the reasons I never understood for myself

As I find my days are counted
today I want to dig out a few that define me
where do I start and what do I look for
even before I start, here I am confessing...

Its a pot full of memories,
memories that I intend to share here,
I wish I could say they were mine
Alas! the truth stands,
there is nothing that had me alone.

Why so many of these to remember,
why so few people to teach me live,
why so many that I have already lived
why so less time to add a few more?

Day after day as 'My Love' elongates
Day after day as this journey goes ahead
Day after day as I see the inevitable coming
I see myself shrinking in thought,
desperate for shelter and time as I wander across
I feel I will be lost soon.

Where did I start this...
I still say, "I have a world within,
a world so small that can't accomodate any more
a world that never needed anyone more."

I like to LOOK BACK now
nothing much to LOOK AHEAD for
for its you who defined yesterday
for its me who might have to define tomorrow

Even as people say 'enough'
Even as friends say 'enjoy'
I still continue my race with time
I am still looking for a return

--buddi
0228
03 - 09 - 2008

A day I lived..

I lived a day today,

I live a day,

some alive some dumb.

I live a day,

a day of memoirs of life,

a day worthy of note, a day forgettable,

many etched into and drawn from,

another day I lived in my life.

What difference does it make,

today or another, o life!

I had by me a friend,

one who lives life,

smiles outside and taught to smile inside,

a friend I had today.

What more do I ask, o life!

--buddi

1915

17 - 07 - 2010

Long after you are gone

Sorry for the photo quality
Long after you are gone - DOOMSDAY (03 - 07 - 2008)

Long after you are gone

Long after you are gone
I think I can see you around
lots to talk and share
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
I think those smiles will still be with me
lots to listen to
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
on a breezy winter night
with the lights still on
I think I will still feel you around

But I was sleeping for long
for one thing I failed to realise -
Long after you are gone
I wouldn't be there for so long

--buddi
1125
09 - 06 - 2008

A phoney attempt...

At the end of this effort
I have a question for myself
what is it, that has come out?

nothing special at all
all is left to be declared 'a PHONEY attempt'
for I can never understand her
"I am far from where they are"

for this person is bigger than life
she is the leaf with a thousand veins exposed
she is smile on my face
she is the Smile

attempt after attempt fails
all attempts, I make, only DEROGATE her
all of it just dissolves away in tears
all of it just falls apart

you could still question
is that all?
I don't want to be CURT
I just don't want to be

but I knew I would never complete
still I know I would never complete

yet I make this MELANCHOLIC effort
when she is still around,
for long after she is gone -
I wouldn't be there for long

for I want to carry ahead
a handful of memories
a handful of blessings
and a handful of lessons
O! she has showered over me a lot
I don't know what to choose

Need I ask for more
need I live to long for more
I do -
the least I can live for
stand for her reason
stand for her

May all her dreams come true
May she get all she asks for
she will lead a happy life
I know she will lead a happy life

I would tell 'her' memories
Please stand by me
for you define me
for you I live
for you make me live

attempt after attempt fails
this was just another attempt

--buddi
0302
9 - 7 - 2008

The time with you

The time with you

All the time I spent with you
all that I wished I did
when questioned, 'why?'
I had to say, 'why question why?'

One day you would be far
a hard truth to take
One day you would be someone big
a thing that would come true

Things would change forever
I know you would still be the same for me
every moment of these meetings
would be lived again!!

I just want more of these
always into a confusion
do I disturb her, may be some other time...
may be the time would never come again...

It does pain, a tough decision to make
but as I think over again
I agree I spend lots of time
with her, with her memories

What more do I want
I know mine, all reason is a lie
just followed my heart
need I say more.

But when you question, 'why?'
I would still be the same
worn-out guy I was

--buddi
0120
15 - 09 – 2008

A piece from a poet

Courtesy: Internet

A piece from a poet

I had been writing for long now,
the idea of stopping not around,
pretty interesting so far,
riding on someone's glory, an easy work...

I enjoyed being called a poet
I lived every bit of it
but as it hits me now,
what is there, that was truly mine?

Loads of improper phrases thrown around
lines which were far from complete
reading in between never being possible
every bit I claimed that just falls off

But there is beauty in what I write
I agree gladly when someone says that
they are right, there is beauty
not in those broken lines!

There is beauty in the inspiration
there is beauty in the soul,
the ones that keep it 'a piece'
the ones about whom I write

All I write has never been mine
all of it just a stack full of views
and I still wait for 'my best'
the pen moves ahead.

A long distance to go yet,
before I reach 'my best',
'my best' that defines my quest -
'a piece' that has everything I want to write,
something so complete,
that I would have nothing left to write again

That I would call would be
the 'true piece' from this poet
and I know you wouldn't leave it so simple!!
Yet, the pen moves ahead
and the search continues...

--buddi
0721
19 - 09 - 2008

Home, Sweet Home!

Home, Sweet Home!

Home, Sweet Home!
Few wait to be back,
Few on a journey to find one,
Eventually everyone has one.

Be it
the lonely bird,
the deserted house,
the travelling Ravi,
or yourself...

Everyone will be back home
Home, Sweet Home!

--buddi
0245
18 - 11 - 2008

You are special!

You are special!

No questions ever raised,
no reasons ever seeked,
as simple as it sounds,
as simple as this is

You are special!

I wish to learn,
I wish to live,
with thoughts to be shared,
with memories to be taken forward...

I admire, I envy,
hardly anytime left,
too many to catch up with,
you are too BIG to explain

You are special!

--buddi
0438
15 - 11 - 2008


PS: This is about a couple of my friends. They know its about them.. for the rest it is about some one you would like to be...

A start or an end

Courtesy: Internet

A start or an end

Please forgive me...
I now know I was wrong,
but there is hardly any that I can do now
it is out of my hands now

If you are still feeling low
please tell me...
anything I can do to help you
Please forgive me

Your words still play with my mind
I have learnt my lesson
but I was made to pay
I repent for what I created
Are things just going to end here?

No not again,
I can't take any of this more
lost in between thoughts
tiring and lonely - the last thing I want

Was it the end I hoped against
Was it just a better start that you showed
don't know what to take from it
unless you say something more

As I wait for that and look into the dark day
I still don't know what I think about
but one thing I want to say again
please forgive me

--buddi
0401
27 - 08 - 2008

PS: An ice-breaker... nothing comes so easily, so was this one. I couldn't think of something better... Hope things get better. I owe all of this and the ones yet to come here, to a friend of mine. Someone about whom I haven't yet written... things just don't end with a "thank you"... things just don't end here. Thank you my dear friend.

Courtesy: Internet

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

A never ending expanse of water,
caught in between hills of forest green
the horizon missing on every side
the clouds waiting to bless

No human greed to be seen
I am here, it was a splendid moment
all things, all worries seemed to have lost -
their importance, but it wasn't to be so

I wish you were here
this was a place to be
I remember - you asked for it

Every second memories flooding my mind
enjoying every moment of it
I let myself loose
unbounded thoughts, my heart taking giant leaps

Now, I want someone to share with
I wish you were here
you are the one so dear
with whom I can share anything

I miss you now
I wish you were here...
its going to be a long wait
until I meet you

--buddi
1244
07 - 07 - 2008


The picture doesn't really fall into the class of "paintings". But I would like to call it one. Exceptions can be made for me...

Its my life...

Its my life

Its my life you are talking about
Its my life...

just don't mind,
just don't bother,
just don't pester
Its my life you are talking about
Its my life

Just yesterday I was there
just today I am here
not everyday
not very far... I will be who I am

Its my life you are talking about

You could never see me
you could never listen to me
you could never talk to me
for all that you did all this time
was just a subliming part
I was never the real one

countless hearts that made me
countless dreams that keep me happy
countless goals that keep me alive
countless... just countless
Thats my life

Look around, have you ever talked to me?
be ONE in everyone's life

--buddi
0043
03 - 06 - 2008

Long after you are gone...

Finally I have decided to break my silence!!

Not with the one I would have liked to but with my best so far...




Long after you are gone

Long after you are gone
I think I can see you around
lots to talk and share
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
I think those smiles will still be with me
lots to listen to
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
on a breezy winter night
with the lights still on
I think I will still feel you around

But I was sleeping for long
for one thing I failed to realize -
Long after you are gone
I wouldn't be there for so long

--buddi
1125
09 - 06 - 2008

Things just don't end here, lots is there to follow. I am back here... FREE from obligations and promises. I am FREE now and will live to be FREE. Who cares about what you think, who cares about where you go... at least I don't care. All I need to follow is my heart and the journey has begun now!!

Stars Smile!!

This doesn't quite fit into Orkut and that is why it is here..

This is about someone who makes me feel like a GOD (and also blessing people..) whenever she is talking to me... from the heights I am taken to I fear crashing to death...

Sweet, Kind, Affectionate, Caring, Playful and what not... I have found every virtue I would admire and envy... may be of the few things I don't like much is her tendency to become a prey of unnecessary and avoidable circumstances... she is one of her kind...

I just fear whether I will ever be able to give her a fitting TRIBUTE for what she means to me and for all that she has done to me... at least I have to try

Sun sets,
birds go back home,
cool breezes begin,
everything becomes so pleasant,
another day comes to an end...

Stars show up,
united they glow,
innumerable dreams are born,
many unending counts start,
yet they are always out of reach...

Stars... glittering stars,
in cloudy skies...
we thought they were gone,
winds blow...
clouds are torn apart,
stars... glittering stars,
they are back again...

Stars smile...
they are never gone

Stars smile...
innumerable dreams are born

Stars smile...
hearts are elated

Stars smile!!

For all the good things that have come into my life after I met her and the others, all I have is a place in this blog and an already cramped heart... they definitely deserve more...

Well, she was just one of the many who made this moment as beautiful as it is... I pray to hang on for some more time... Some more time for me to find a TRIBUTE... Some more time for me to spend with them... Some more time for me to sail with them... I don't want names, I don't want rewards... All I ask for... Just some more time...

-- buddi
1459
27 - 03 - 2008

I just wish another Good Boy!!

I wish just another Good Boy!!

Some people make me feel big,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel sick,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel...

You aren't among any of those...
you are the one for whom I have nothing...
not a card, not a book, not a pen...
you are the person who has questions for me...
you are one with countless smiles
you are the energy in this piece of writing

May the joy and the smile live on
may the heart share some more smile to people around
just some more!!

If people say there is no end to selfishness,
then let there be no end.
After all what did I have for this friend of mine...
just a few more words from a dying soul
just a few words??
just wishing to do better...
just wishing that I had something more...
just wishing that I spend more time with him
just wishing...

JUST WISHING you success in all your future endeavours.
just wishing to be of some help to you...
I just wish another Good Boy!!

--buddi
0215
11 - 03 - 2008

This piece is dedicated to AMOEBA and the innumerable smiles he has brought out in my life...

A Dream... A day-out

Just as my eyelids close off at the end of a trip to ”just another” beach,

I realized that I was caught up in the eye of a storm of memories to carry ahead…

A living starts there,
The moment I see it,
I am lost dreaming,
I can feel it…
the strong-wind breaking up on me,
my hair reacting to these winds,
the sunlight showing up gently on me,
the water coming with all its might but unable to reach me,
the cool, wet sand inviting a dive…
I was there,
I was lost…

But only later I found,
I wasn’t alone,
castles were being built,
tunnels were being dug,
balls were being covered up,
life was still on,
life was being discussed,
life was being lived,
everywhere around me,
and how did I miss to be a part of this!

then came the time for the plunge,
a plunge into arguments,
a plunge into interactions,
a plunge into laughter,
a plunge into fun…
but then the end came…

it was a dream,
a phone call from home at 6am,
but I was a quick learner,
it just wasn’t another trip,
it just wasn’t another day,
back-breaking loads of memories to be carried over,
I just wish these days never come to an end!!

–buddi
1349
03 - 03 - 2008



And as always.. my CAMOPHOBIA continues..

Where do we stand??

“Tomorrows come,
Yesterdays go,

Promises come,
Accomplishments stay,

People come,
Members stay,

People die,
Good Work stays…

Take a stand today”

In this world of interpretations… in this world of clever people… in this world of carelessness.. it is a tough job to put across a point. When people tend to ski across the “serene” snow but fail to realize that they are standing on a frozen pond, rarely do you get to see the reality. Think different!

Not every time do you get a chance to enjoy,

not every time do you get a chance to claim your work,

not every time do you get a chance to prove you worth,

not every time do you get a chance to win for someone else,

Today could be your last, today could be their last… just don’t think, there is someone waiting with open arms in the darkness ahead… be capable to see that. Sometimes it does take a quite a bit to live in light. which one do you think is better.. “increasing the light around you so much that you go blind” or “sharing light and staying in a dull and yet a loved place“. Where are we going next?

this is just another stand..

–buddi
1227
01 - 03 - 2008

What You Know...

In a classroom...
You may not know the date,
You may not know which lesson is going on,
You may not know the person sitting next to you,
You may not know the person teaching you,
You may not know the meaning of a word,
You may not know how to solve a problem,
You may not know when your exam is,
You may not know whether you are going to pass,
You may not know...

But you always know one thing,
You know yourself,
Just be you... the special one

--buddi
07 - 02 - 2008
0841

They do...

They make me live
They make me wait for death
They show reason in survival
They show the nearing end

They keep haunting me
they keep encouraging me
they keep me occupied
they make me jobless
they make me think
they make me run away
they make me love
they make me hate
they make me proud
they make me ashamed

they made what I am
they make what I will be
they made what was
they make what is coming

what are they?
Memories... Memories make you what you are...
But why do I need them?

may be to remind me of the innumerable promises I made to myself and people around me, to remind me of the many relishing moments I had, to remind me of the bitter incidents in life...

After referring to them countless number of times and after many many sleepless nights thinking of my accomplishments and my failures, it is back to the same old story - What next?

It is easy to be acting as the careless guy but I am sure everyone has the other side, the part which truly speaks for them. It is this part of us that allows ourselves to look into a mirror and shows what we really are. But my part of story leads me nowhere...

A few accomplishments set the pace for the rest of my life, but much to my dissatisfaction... sometimes expectations overtake your real capabilities and you lose your identity some where in the race to be one among the crowd. Very few of my mentors ever realised that I am interested in something else, I like doing things differently (may not be the best), I do things at my own pace and what not...

My "incompetence" and "lack of commitment" have shown up again yesterday... failure to live up to the deadlines which I have agreed upon... but do they really mean that... may be / may not be... I have my own reasons for being late... there are things which I would have done better given more time, all that I need is interest...

Sometimes memories haunt me... I lost count of the incidents in which I had to confess my mistakes. Even today I don't have the courage to go and accept my fault. These are the things that make me feel ashamed and long for my end. I know it is not very far away... may the remaining days bring in some "life" in to my story...

Lots to write but this is not the place I want to do that...

--buddi
0521
02 - 02 - 2008

childhood...

CHILDHOOD...

Gone are those days...
when you were shameless
when you were tender at heart
when you were mischievous
when you never cheated
when you never hurt people verbally
when you believed blindly in friendship
when you followed advices
when you shared everything with friends
when you used to sind the national anthem with pride...

but now,
you are a person.. more concerned about yourself, who has started losing trust in everyone...

you are now arrogant, adamant, careless,.... (to be filled up by you)


TRY TO CHANGE...

"Always be young at your heart" - Raghuram Sir


buddi
Thursday April 19, 2007

I am invincible...

Sitting on a shore, you feel…
“I am invincible”
you can see the waves trying to reach you….
but getting back defeated…..
The waves never die down in shame….
Why!! Why do they insist?
Who cares…
But some where in the back of my mind
I can hear bells ringing…
am I really invincible??
May be yes....perhaps no is a better answer…
bad memories keep pinching me…
and future!!...who knows…when a mighty wave
may come and just drown me…
Mind you…. every time a wave comes and returns….
it takes away some sand and grows higher….
One fine day it will be capable enough… to gulp you in
waves have the time….which you don’t
waves erase their old memories…which you don’t
waves persist…which you don’t
Then how do you think you are invincible?
Perhaps we could have been…..if only we were waves…
Why not at least try to be like them…..

Timings: written when at Besant Nagar beach…..07-10-2006 around 5:45am