Experiences – My friends!

I was all excited about the Goa trip in my last post.. And now I am in Goa. Waiting for the fellows around me to get up and leave to some place!

We have been here for a couple of days now but did we have a lively couple of days? I am not sure what my answer would be.. People look changed as I see them from their earlier days. People change, have to change.. but still I find it a bit difficult to accept that their priorities have changed (so much).

3 or 4 years back, we would have loved to play a game of football in the 1st ground of school and then sit on the tiny wall tired and yet excited that we are together. We would then head to Uday’s home, sit on the compound wall and keep shouting for water. Usually an hour of football would be topped with a couple of hours of fun-filled updates and recollections from the B-section days.

The 2 days here, on the contrast, was filled with foods, drinks and … Unfortunately, I am not really fond of both and definitely not the drinks. Man! food and water are available everywhere on earth. The slow service here in restaurants didn’t help one bit! We have traveled some 200km on 2-wheeler in search of beaches, while one is next our hotel! Neither have we traveled to catch-up with some history of Goa nor did we sit back, relax and talk.

I was telling Purri that, everyone of us has become more defensive and demanding.. every small joke might be taken seriously and every small ‘want’ needs to be taken seriously! I demand we do something else.

Priorities have changed and we have been set into those thinking templates.. thanks to our lives. But, I still feel its always a matter of choice. 11 agreed to come, we are now 9. I am happy that most of us made it till here. I wish we make it memorable for all so that we come back again.

I did have my share of fine moments in the 2 days, especially the drive with Purri, faint recollections of 2nd standard with Tija and the chat with Uppi on Facebook. I enjoy my days here!

–buddi

Memories - my friends!

Most moments in life are short and become memorable after they are gone…

All of us (friends and classmates) have different experiences and possibly different expectations! We lived close by, yet we were far from each other. We spoke once in a while, yet we were never talked about each other. After sharing benches, lunch and jokes for almost 10 years (may be more) is that all we care about each other? Why is it I know so little about a friend who told me how to dress, how to write and how to play? These questions often eat into my sleep and worse I feel there is none that has the time to listen… purri and uday are exceptions. I sometimes feel that these were among the few people whom I knew a little about and probably they know a bit about me. We wonder whether we were the only few who are stuck-up in our past and want to be so.

I write quite a bit about my friends in Hyderabad, Chennai, Saragur and other places.. most times it is filled with regret. I miss my friends and worse I have no idea of how I can do better than regretting.

A few days back, a bunch of us met at McDonald's and had a great time. It is always a pleasure to recall the old days and re-live our times (most of us had much better sense of humor then), I am sure many wouldn't disagree. How much ever we enjoy as a group, I find it surprising that we need a "good" occasion to meet. This time it was one of us flying off! (I hope he would remember us and come back to meet us some day). Just as we were getting comfortable with the food, the place and more importantly each other some one threw this idea of going to Goa. I felt they had done it very early into the meeting, however, to my surprise almost everyone instantly agreed to be a part of it, putting an end to my cynicism.

As of now, the plan is on and some 11 of us are heading to Goa in the days to come. I am really excited and looking forward for the visit.. actually looking forward to meet my friends again! I really wish all of us make it to the trip and live a few of the moments we might relish all our life. Even as I type this.. I am sure at least few more are dreaming of what we would be doing there in Goa.. lets live it!

--buddi

I am not quite sure of how I wanted to write this. But this is how it came out. This is dedicated to my friends - all those "B" section walas who will make it to the trip and paapi, kabani among many others!

A world within

I have a world within
interesting and important for me
all the things that made me
and the reasons I never understood for myself

As I find my days are counted
today I want to dig out a few that define me
where do I start and what do I look for
even before I start, here I am confessing...

Its a pot full of memories,
memories that I intend to share here,
I wish I could say they were mine
Alas! the truth stands,
there is nothing that had me alone.

Why so many of these to remember,
why so few people to teach me live,
why so many that I have already lived
why so less time to add a few more?

Day after day as 'My Love' elongates
Day after day as this journey goes ahead
Day after day as I see the inevitable coming
I see myself shrinking in thought,
desperate for shelter and time as I wander across
I feel I will be lost soon.

Where did I start this...
I still say, "I have a world within,
a world so small that can't accomodate any more
a world that never needed anyone more."

I like to LOOK BACK now
nothing much to LOOK AHEAD for
for its you who defined yesterday
for its me who might have to define tomorrow

Even as people say 'enough'
Even as friends say 'enjoy'
I still continue my race with time
I am still looking for a return

--buddi
0228
03 - 09 - 2008

Would you do social work on a week day?

31st December, 2010

A lazy long day.. this wasn't how I would have like the year to end. And then, this happened..

Infosys has been running SPARK - Rural Reach Program (RRP) which is a one day program that aims at improving awareness of computers and the power of IT among children in rural India. The target audience for this programme is school children of classes 5th to 7th. This is also connected to the PC donation scheme of Infosys.

With regards to the above programme, I was contacted to help coordinate the programme in a Government school in this area. The person from Infosys (may be some manager) explained the thing in brief - some volunteers would be coming and a target audience of 200-300 (later increased to 500) would be reached. Some of her lines shocked me, she stressed on the following - every volunteer would bring their own laptop, none of the volunteers would get paid for coming on a Saturday, it is very fruitful for the students, the program is being conducted all over India for the last 5-6 yrs and it has been a great success, they will provide computers to all school which submit a request within 2-3 months and on on.

Then I asked her - there are more than 50 Higher Primary schools here (surely an underestimate, I don't know the exact figure), is there any selection criteria to organize the programme?

"There is no such criteria. You can select it. We will cover all the schools in the future. There are 1000 or more than 1000 schools in the country, we can't finish all schools at once, we will cover them slowly." And another round of praise for the programme and the volunteers followed.

We decided to work on that and the phone goes dead. The thought kept playing on my head and then suddenly I realized that Saturday is a half-day for schools. So I send her a sms -

"One more constraint, Saturday is a half day for schools. So it might be difficult to have it on a Saturday. Please check for other options.

Praveen"

And the call comes in a while -

The lady on the other end says, "I saw your message now. We have successfully run this programme for so many years. It is very fruitful for the students to spend time with us. It is because our DC suggested this organization we are contacting you. We have so many schools waiting in the pipeline and they invite us to come to their school. Other than Saturdays is not possible as we have a working day in Infosys. We can't do social work on weekdays. Would you do social work on a week day? We are not wasting the time of students beyond 7th and we are not wasting the time of students below 5th. We are only asking for 5th to 7th. I hope I have explained the point. Instead of sending a message, give me a missed call. I will call you back."

And some 45 min later, I get an sms -

"It can be conducted without affecting to their classes please verify with the school head master n let me at the earliest for further arrangements. Trust me from this program lot of govt. Schools have been benifited..thanks for coordinating n Wish u happy new year."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This evening had raised some questions I couldn't quite answer. We live in the corporate era and this conversation exposed some realities for me. We have schools where students find it difficult to write in their mother tongue in High School, students who don't come to school unless they are served the mid-day meal and here is a corporate firm who will send their people on Saturday and expect the school to function full time. We have a person who thinks there are 1000 or more schools in India, and she is the same person who thinks their RRP sessions are very fruitful. Is that true Corporate Social Responsibility? Well, it is for Infosys (which is the best among the lot)!

I would agree that these exposure sessions would be good for children but have they been chalked out well to facilitate the learning process or are they just the picnic visits of those people where they show  a few models of laptops? Can you plan to teach a kid without having any knowledge of that kid? Their show of skills (communication and presentation) may vastly undermine the skills of the teacher (in the eyes of the student) with whom the students would have to spend maximum time. Why shouldn't we train teachers? (Training teachers doesn't seem big enough in annual CSR reports, after all we feel more sorry for a child beggar than an old-aged beggar!).  The programme may or may not reach the intended goals, however, their lifestyle, culture, etc. may influence the kids in ways we may never understand. May be for good or bad! Who cares what happens to a child in these remote villages, after all the software-walas don't get paid for spending time with that child!

I have questions all over, didn't know where to start and where these would end. This seems to be the harsh reality of the modern world. Why can't CSR be truly for nation building? Why should we be paid for spending a few hours for our nation? In spite of so many questions, I still have a hope that these sessions will help some kid somewhere and I will try to facilitate these sessions until I find answers to at least a few questions.

Would you do social work on a week day?

I don't know what to say for that. May be the answer lies in another question -

Does your hunger take leave on a Sunday? It surely doesn't in the countryside.

--buddi

0119

01 - 01 - 2011

Ambiguous goals

I have been having several ideas for the last few months but have written about hardly any. So, here I decided to at least write briefly about a few. Ambiguity is rooted in almost every move of our daily routine. Here are some questions I have..

Ambiguous goals - Every time we set our goals, we deeply rely on our resources and instincts so much that we rarely give importance to how we actually set our goals. I wouldn't call it a mistake that we do as it gives us a chance to reflect back on how we would have done better. Learning from experience (and not mistakes)! Here are my examples -

1. How does GRID operate? When I founded GRID, I thought I was very clear with my goals. GRID would work on agriculture, education and rural technologies; and myself being comfortable with the educational sector (just a feeling that I could do something) made that my immediate priority. I went ahead and discussed my ideas with several people and many seemed quite interested. We conducted competitions, workshops and held discussions in schools and with teachers in varied schools and have had a good response almost everywhere. We were approaching someone or were being approached, thought over what they needed (our thoughts), packaged it into some workshop or competition and then delivered it. However, today after 4 years of work and thought behind me, I have this doubt - did I get it right? And I started pushing my ever reliables, Anirudh and Sneha, to think. What exactly were our goals? Who was our target group? What was our strategy? We seemed to have played around with those according to our convenience.
2. What made IKC the ultimate goal of IViL? This issue involves a lot of us and I don't speak for them. The idea of setting up IKC at Natham was thrown up Prof. JBL at a time when IViL had energy in the form of new members and a laboratory in the form of Natham. It came at a time when many questioned why we were still sticking onto Natham. IKC was meant to be the perfect answer from a technological institute group for the rural people's needs. It was meant to facilitate a knowledge exchange between us and the people there. A perfectly running IKC was meant to be our stepping stone onto exploring possibilities in other villages, in a way saying GOOD BYE to Natham. After going through few of the reports prepared by the MSI students, IKC for me had a great vision and if achieved would be one of the best accomplishments of the group. As we went into the discussion, planning and implementation stages, we forgot to ask questions - Is this needed? (I don't remember any of us discussing whether IKC is needed) Is this the best way? (Much of our planning and implementation were never synchronized, leading to a lot noise in the group) Where does this lead to? (Many of the problems with the IKC were not surprising) And finally the big question - What did we learn? We had problems in answering every question. We were so obsessed with the idea of getting it running and then getting out of Natham that we never cared to think of those. I feel we as a group lacked clarity in what and why we were doing.
3. Where is SciTour heading? Another group, another idea, another time. SciTour was launched on Jan 1st, 2010 to publish articles to help people enjoy science.

In all of the 3 cases above, I feel we lacked clarity in what our goal was. We were just doing those because we felt that we were good at it. Is that the way to select to do something? Today I would say NO.

I feel it would be much better for us to set our goals first and then do everything that requires to be done to achieve those goals. In case of Natham, had our goal been to help it become a socially, economically, environmentally and culturally a better place to live in - we would still be there in Natham trying to get more people to use toilets, more kids to go to schools, more of the SHGs functioning, work with the farmers to build sustainable and profitable agricultural processes and get people to mingle with each other breaking down the caste barriers in the village. Alas, that isn't the case. When I look back at my journey in the last 4 years and interactions with different people - much has changed. I have learnt a lot from these experiences. However, somewhere deep inside I know they are mistakes (and not experiences).

--buddi

0225

16 - 11 - 2010

Am I at the right place?

Sitting in Anirudh's home, Bangalore... All software-walas still sleeping!

I am all set to go and meet the Prema Vidya team. By the mails exchanged, it looked like the team are expecting a 'different' person. This doubt and the experience at the Annual General Body Meeting yesterday, complemented by the several others, cements my doubt - Am I at the right place? Or to be more truthful, Am I the right person to work at this place?

Some of my friends might just laugh off, saying - you are just being modest. But modesty is not supposed to trouble mentally! My life has always been in mediocrity, choosing to do well and show commitment only when it was pleasing to me. And around me, at SVYM, are people who have achieved a great deal all through their life, topping almost everything they did and they did everything with utmost sincerity.

I, on the other hand, did almost nothing completely seriously. I found Calculus by Thomas & Finney more interesting than 10th board exams, Tendulkar's sixes against Akthar and Caddick in the World Cup more memorable than PUC, reading nuclear chemistry more important that preparing for IIT JEE, football and morning jogs more relieving than the sleep before exams at IIT, my nuclear physics project more worthy than any other BTech course and on and on. As a result and as expected, I did nothing that I would really be proud of. I left IIT feeling that the degree didnt mean anything to me and I dont know when I may get that. (I dont regret that) And here I am surrounded by people who have accumulated gold medals and gold medals.

I still stand by the opinion that the degree means nothing to me and knowledge is more valuable, and so I wonder - am I the right person to work at this place? I am just too playful..

-- buddi

0706

27 - 09 - 2010

PS: I did win a couple of gold medals in school for being named in the football and cricket teams for the inter-house tournaments. Do they count?:-)

Random thoughts

Random thoughts – Independence Day (15^th August 2010)

On the very same day, last year I was here. It was a different experience then. As Anirudh put it, on our way back, 24hrs of the Independence Day well utilized! That was quite a while back! Things have really changed now… back then I was the known-unknown. People at the VSOE knew that there was a fellow coming from Chennai; had released some newsletter and went back. I knew Malathi and Anitha, and I met Dr Padmaja and Dr Bindu to give them a copy of the newsletter (I was very confused between Dr Padmaja and Dr Sridevi at that time). I hardly remember any interaction with Prathima and other staff here.

Today was better. I knew almost everyone at the school and many at the SVYM function. From a visitor, I have grown to be a volunteer and a friend in this place. I have participated in the discussion in the Recreation Committee meetings and to have some extent influenced the way the event was organized. The interaction with Dr MAB was as insightful as any of the earlier ones. The discussions on Independence vs. Swaraj and Equality vs. Equity were thought-provoking. These followed by the visit to Mysore made the day even more exciting. Prathima, Sophia and Sumalatha were there all along. Some eating, shopping, window-shopping, again eating and the long travel back made up our trip. I have had a really great time with them, especially Prathima. She has been one of my best friends here and is like anyone else. But the simplicity and openness to suggestions and ideas just puts her one step beyond. Another new place, another new friend… this surely is one thing I am always happy about – I find a friend everywhere (not in everyone though). It was yet another memorable day for me here. Not because of the work but thanks to the people around…

Yet another Independence day, yet another year. Life seems to be running fast, a cause for concern. So much to do, so less time to do. I am almost always caught up in a fix where I really find it difficult to strike a balance between 'productive work' and friends. Is it always a trade-off? I just can't find the answer. Nevertheless, either way I choose I still have the satisfaction of doing justice to one of my prime interests. Well.. eventually I would find the balance I just hope I don't run out of fuel before that. This entry I am sure ran all over the place and hence the title 'random'. This was supposed to be about the people - people who guide and people who befriend.

--buddi

I Discover Myself

I Discover Myself

SVYM, My Experiences - 3

I am 6 months old now. As always – it has been a great journey so far. I can’t help it, that’s always the first line. 6 months already… I just can’t believe it, time seems to have flown by. I still have an entry to be posted three months back (editing going on, no need for it anymore). It is only these incomplete blog entries, bookshop bills and travel tickets flying around and a heavy bag of memories which give me a feel of the 6 months.

I have learnt a bit, traveled a lot and enjoyed the most. Some special moments – removal of stitches on the toe, “Room Clean” to “Clean Room” (RC2CR) Program, “spherical” balls of dough for chapatti, clinical trials of lady’s finger and potato deep fry, lunch invitations, pumping fists and cartwheeling (attempt) in computer lab after the success of a program, preparations for ERB (Online coursework :P), a six over the cover in the evening cricket match (ball went missing), diving with kids in water canals (unfortunately the water was only knee deep), long drives to Hosahalli, Pi day question paper, high fives after scoring the goals (short fives with Anup and Pranav), the unexplainable theatre (oops.. it’s a tent!), the frustrated kick which left the toe in pain for 10 days, students laughing at my jokes (happens pretty frequently), science club, midnight birthday parties, innumerable snack sessions, sleep inducing ‘resource person’ talks (should consider attending more of those), surprise trip to Trivandrum on friend’s birthday, trips to Siddapura & Thirunelli, “bad at eating” talks with Malathi, the 30min sleep after the posters preparation slog, Beatrice & Virgil, everyday walks (out of boredom, excitement, frustration), the new pairs of shoes for football, yes / no thinking sessions, 4 days when I did nothing, photography trials, phone calls running into hours … on and on.

Yes, they were 6 long months - flooded with thoughts and memories, every moment offering something to learn. I keep telling people about this place and would continue to. People have been very helpful and share their experience with me. While it has been difficult to get into the system (roles, rules and expectations), it had been an even greater challenge to gain acceptance from people. During my stay at IIT, I have been made villain many a times because I raise questions (places which taught science didn’t encourage questions) and talk about ‘actual’ work. This place has been more kind on me; people take questions and dig for answers. Few of my interactions with Dr MAB have been memorable. There have been situations where I couldn’t decide or talk straight to people. From the indefinite thoughts and discussions, I learnt that no person can be bigger than the organization itself.

There are several things a good room and a beautiful countryside can’t provide, we need people around. Dr MAB and Dr Sridevi have been very helpful all the way. Every time I walked into Dr MAB’s office with a question/doubt, I have come out laughing at myself. Foolish Praveen went with a silly doubt! Hours or sometimes days of thinking haven’t given me answers anywhere close to that of Dr MAB. His friendly nature and strive for perfection have been great inspirations. While Dr MAB gave me a chance to explore my work, Dr Sridevi has given me the chance to run wild in anything I could think of (ERB, Database, GIS ...). Living with my constant overshoots of deadlines, I still wonder how she keeps her cool. Everyone here, in their own way, has influenced my life. I would only belittle their influence by a ‘Thank you’, so no attempts.

In October 2009, I confessed to a friend that I didn’t know where I was heading and wanted some time to clear my head. And so I came to SVYM to learn about NGOs and simultaneously plan for future. I haven’t chosen this over my career, this is my career. I just hope to continue in this domain for a long time to come, there is no turning back. Here or somewhere else.. Wherever!

These months have been my most creative and productive after school. I have started enjoying myself a lot, a childhood which I once enjoyed in school. I Discover Myself.

--buddi

A day I lived..

I lived a day today,

I live a day,

some alive some dumb.

I live a day,

a day of memoirs of life,

a day worthy of note, a day forgettable,

many etched into and drawn from,

another day I lived in my life.

What difference does it make,

today or another, o life!

I had by me a friend,

one who lives life,

smiles outside and taught to smile inside,

a friend I had today.

What more do I ask, o life!

--buddi

1915

17 - 07 - 2010

Why I chose to be what I want to be

There are several people who keep asking me questions like.. Why did you join the development sector? Why did you want to become a teacher? Why did you start GRID? Why did you quit IViL? Why did you join SVYM? Why do you take classes at ABS? Why did you choose nuclear physics? Why did you drop nuclear physics for neuroscience? And the best of all.. Why are you ruining your career at SVYM?

"Just trying out different things!"

And suddenly in most cases there would be an expression of shock or giving up on me. Most of the times I don't have convincing answers. However, it is an interesting exercise to look back and think of why I chose to be what I wanted to be (Sometimes / Many times what we want to be is different from what we choose to be). This is my search for those answers and a look into if I still do it.

Why I chose to be a teacher & my experiences..

My first assignment as a teacher was to spend some time with the students of 7th class on weekends and get some pocket money. The first few days of my class were mechanical - a presentation (given to me by my employer), few students and a blackboard. As the students changed and as I got used to the "drill" I started realizing that in the name of a foundation programme (for competitive exams :P), parents were being cheated and students were being tortured. I never really understood, why parents wanted to pain their children with these classes on weekends.

To answer my conscience, I had broken off from the traditional way and started discussing rather than lecturing. Things suddenly looked changed, the kids were more active and interactive and I was sure they learnt more this way. Very soon, I stopped using the presentations and discussions.. we got into a story telling mode. 5 of us, sit in a circle and tell something that was related to that day's theme. We used to have two sessions of 1.5hrs each and in between there was a round of badminton. We all used to enjoy it! The kids suddenly had so many things to tell me. I learnt one of the first lessons as a teacher - students have so much to say, we just need to give them a chance.

I did have to bear the heat from my employer and I was forced out but I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't want to step outside the class and say "My class in over"... I wanted to be a mentor. I had envied many of my teachers and tried imitating them. That is what being a teacher is more about - not just teach science or social but being a role-model in every sense. The dressing, body language, language, behavior is all looked at very closely by our students, I was learning all of these. As I started enjoying it more, there were more issues troubling me and I set out to change at least a few. I started talking to teachers and wanted to change the way few things were being done. Hit road-blocks at most places!

In my quest to understand more, I began to teach several age groups... those in the age group of late 20s to 6th standard kids. It was a very different experience, learnt new things. Students tend get more conscious about their surroundings and neighbors with age, even getting a doubt clarified would become very difficult. Unknowingly I had started observing the psychology of the students - changes in it and the external influences. It was interesting to note how a child's thought process changes.. my first case study was myself, how small and seemingly unimportant things change our attitude towards life. It was nice to come up with a chronological order of events and relate to how they brought about the crests and troughs. This became one of the motivations for me to take a class to the ground and then observe the students - how they play, how they get involved, how they interact and so on. With a better understanding of the kids we would be in a position to relate better.

From being a teacher, there was a stage when I wanted to teach teachers how to teach. I just didn't say this to any teacher but that was what I meant.. I was sick of the tiring and quiet lectures. I was hated at most places, people started feeling insecure! I have neither had the qualification and experience to be a teacher nor did I read any books. I was questioned repeatedly. I am grateful to SVYM for having had faith in me.

Still the compound walls exist, most times wherever I go, people think I am more of an intrusion. I don't believe in bribing students with stars on the conduct chart, I want to be a 'teacher' not a maths/science textbook interpreter, I have to close eyes in the assembly for the kid to learn from me rather than keep a watch on them and punish whoever doesn't do it, I have to respect every high school student to make them respect each other, I have to leave behind my ego or other personal issues to work with the entire team to create a better environment for the kids to learn, I am sure none of these makes me a bad teacher and I hope I can be accepted as a fellow teacher or want-to-be-teacher. I no longer try to preach to teachers, that was a failed experiment. It is an emotionally more satisfying exercise to work with students than teachers!

The talks on "Brain & Psychology" and "Research in education" which I gave at VTTRC (Thanks to P Mahesh, Principal, VTTRC) have been my most memorable moments as a teacher. They were entirely based on my experiences as a teacher, giving examples of students I had observed. Though they would have been unorthodox, I can now proudly say I can talk for 3 hours on what I learnt from my experiences. Every place I go to - students are different, cultures are different. It is as if I am starting all over again. The journey goes on... I still WANT TO BE A TEACHER.

--buddi

0843

18 - 06 - 2010

PS: I have always avoided taking classes and feel uncomfortable if I have to in the Primary School, as it takes a teacher to be of high morals to teach and shape the minds. And I am surely not of the high morals.

Tired.. Some don't know that!

Tired...

@ 11:50 pm, I just returned from the Dr. Ananth's office. Preparations are fully on the Parliamentary Standing Committee's Study Tour to SVYM. Making some posters for the various activities for the tribals... branded as the "Poster Boy"!

Today was a nice day, got a chance to meet Dr.Balu... finally! I had been longing to meet him for long... almost 2 years I guess. Though have been in constant touch with him through mails, a face-to-face meeting is always special. No person other than Mr. N G Bhat has ever inspired me more than Dr.Balu. He is a source of energy... “We can do it, We should do it!” Obviously, we have to be really hard-wired to say a NO. I asked him today, how he found time for everything.. his answer was simple... “I have the same 24hrs.. interest..” don't remember the exact line. He was correct, it was just a matter of how we wanted to use it and may be how badly we wanted to do something.

I just got my dose of energy, will take it from there... Looking forward for working with Dr.Balu.

Good night!

0009

Sleepless nights at SVYM

This is a part of the letter to few of my friends and a teacher... I am yet to post the letter, felt like putting it up here.

It has been quite a few days since I have slept well in my room here at SVYM.. too many thoughts, too many things to do. I am having sleepless night here. Feels very awkward to say this and I have not been too successful to put my thoughts together. So much confusion in life around me, even greater confusion in my life.

Things have not been too good in the world around. A group of kids (may be some 12yrs old) trying to blow out some smoke onto my face from thrown away cigarette filters, a student securing 9/625 in SSLC exams, a politician making 700cr a day, BEO asking for extra bills so that he could pocket the extra funds, a cabinet minister sexually assaulting his friend's wife, naxalites brutally murdering 73 jawans, a corrupt Chief Justice of a high court being transferred to another, a school with a single teacher who handles 4 subjects for the students, corruption beyond imagination, a 52yr old citizen turning into a traitor and spy, thousands dying of starvation when rice is being sold at Rs2/kg, crores of crores rupees of black money (an estimated amount of 75 lakh crores is in Swiss bank accounts and Indian budget is of the order a lakh crores), a hungry kid feeding his dog, an elderly man crying helplessly for his ill wife, an eloping couple, and so on. The last three months of travelling have shown me life beyond the safe haven I had lived in.

It has been a testing time for me, the last few days - a test of humanness. Eating food and spending money has become a bit difficult now. I just can't digest the fact that there is so much going wrong around us. I hate myself for being a part of this system - we have to go and lick that BEO's *** from tomorrow to try to help a few students. We all form a society and almost everyone accepts that what is going on is not right, but can't take that one step to help someone. No one can be blamed, it is the sad part in this world... people follow. We need an inspiration to lead us.

I am a part of a NGO, I thought I was helping people but there is so much missing. "A caring and equitable society free of deprivation and strife" thats our vision - sweet and far far away. What good am I when I can't make even one person's life free of deprivation and strife. We have several tools to support us, we just need to make the right use - education, courts, RTI and above all having faith that justice will done. We have to tear apart the evils which plague us generation after generation.

The solitude and the climate I enjoy here is something that reminds me of my native place. They give me the space to try to understand the dynamics of life. In those cloudless nights, somewhere in the darkness around me, there is a great deal happening that eludes me.. I have have found some inspiration and energy to look beyond my "career" (this is my career and would be this way). Some day I would like to make myself happy feeding that hungry kid, helping that old woman, help that student pass SSLC, use at least a bit of the available money to help the deprived... I hope to, no matter where that takes me and what it costs. May be thats what is soul searching!

--buddi

0211

07 - 05 - 2010

PS: I am still writing the letter, will finish it soon.

2 birthdays, 2 different days - 2

Kabini, as beautiful as ever!

2 birthdays, 2 friends.. 2 very different days

Exactly a year ago, I wrote a similar article about the same people. Time flies by, people change, surroundings change but friends and feelings hardly wither.

Uday still doesn't care about his birthday so I didn't waste my balance.. though I wished him I hoped that ManU wins on his birthday (which did happen!). And Uday still remains indifferent to wishes... :P. Well, thats him.. that the fellow I have always known. Now its 13 years and counting. This entry is about my other friend...

For the other, Bhavani, I had bought a card 364 days back and have been carrying it along with me to all the places I have visited. I couldn't get a gift for her... no reasons, just didn't know what to give. In the last one year, several things had happened... she chose to take up a job. I am touch with her but its never the same we were. We are no longer team-mates at the voluntary work, we no longer have chats over nights, no ice creams and coffee treats. We have moved on in our careers but I am still stuck at Satheesh's lab for the team meetings, Coffee day for the treats, Higginbothams for buying books for the library at Natham, British Council for taking membership, OAT for watching movies with other gang.. the list would go on. Not complaints.. just memories!

On April 18th, when I was travelling between Sargur and Mysore.. I was still having the card with me.. too late! I found out that there was a bus travelling from Mysore to Trivandrum and 2 tickets were left... GAME ON. Within moments, I decided to travel 750 km to deliver the card and meet my friend. That evening I found myself travelling in the last seat of the bus. It was a wonderful journey.. I always enjoy travelling and this has been my best. I have never felt so emotional or never has any trip brought back so many memories. When I did reach the place after a few hiccups and over 14hrs of travel, I finally saw her running from place to place in the bank.

I sat down and started reading a book... for almost two hours I was there but she never noticed me. When I saw her settle down in her chair... "Excuse me ma'am... your card". A flash of silence... I couldn't speak anything. I think that was the best feeling of a reunion I have ever had. She was equally surprised. I left the place immediately and we met later after the office hours for some time. And then I started back...

That was it. Nothing special happened.. but I came back with a heavy heart. I could barely sleep all night - I just didn't want to have only memories, I knew thats what I would be left with. I traveled over 1500km to meet my friend on her birthday. No one has so far asked me if I was insane after this incident (I have been careful not to tell such people). I know I am not, I have just had the best journey of my life - through the green, hilly landscapes of Wayanad, through the memorable days at college.

We have never been friends for long, we have never been long lost friends. We have just been special friends. Bhavani's blankness, when she saw me, is going to stay with me for a long time. I can never write about my happiness and satisfaction about meeting my friends. But, why not try... I might just inspire myself to meet another friend. Promises made, promises kept and promises to come.

I just love all my friends... some people are just too special. Always for them.

--buddi

1942

21-04-2010

Went and came back in the same bus

SVYM, My experiences - 2

Nice to get back to this! I always enjoy it..

For the news updates - I have joined 'the NGO' in the Mysore district.

This one is about my first couple of weeks here (Already!) SVYM, the exciting place, is still as exciting as ever. Once I have joined here officially I got to work with people even more closely and share ideas and opinions. I have been a part of several nice discussions, sometimes in favour of me and sometimes against me (but never the "heated" ones). I am enjoying my stay here, esp. with so many knowledgeable people around and ready to help there is hardly a time when I would like to sit idle, people are more productive than I am. I am sure I will catch up, at least I will try to!

SVYM has provided me with the optimism and opportunity to explore and experiment which I have not enjoyed at other places. It is surely the place to be. In the few days I have spent here I did make a strange observation. I am not sure whether many will agree. There is a striking difference in the attitude of the people here towards work and their place of work. While some people take pride in being a part of this organisation (which includes the founders and few inspired ones), for many it is just another place of work. I found it pretty difficult to digest. I feel the heavy turn-over of staff can be attributed to this point.

In my interactions with few people here, the only thing I could feel was the passion and optimism. Its like there is a transfer of enormous enthusiasm and 'can do more' attitude. These are the people who built, build and run this place. People at various levels, starting from the President to the doctors to the to the teachers these are people who have inspired me and brought me back to this place time and again. Dr Balu (my first choice, as Malathi akka told I like him the most. For me he has been more inspirirng than any person I have ever heard of), Dr MAB, Dr MRS, Dr Sridevi, Dr Padmaja, Dr Bindu, Malathi, Anitha, Sumathi, Beena, Poshini.. the list is surely endless. For all the people who question my motives and choices I don't have better answers than just taking these names.

Sometimes I am caught in a confusion should I call them sir, anna, or just by their name. I believe respect comes in how behave with them rather than how you call them (that is one thing 4 years in IIT has taught me, we called our professors as 'sir' but we never had any respect. I am a bit ashamed to say this but it is a fact). Moreover, I think I just know that with these people it doesn't matter at all and I know I have high regards for them. These are the people I have enjoyed talking to in the last few days, the best part has been spending time thinking over their ideas and ideals. I feel proud to be a part of their family (though I have questions like do I deserve to be here) Everytime this thought crosses mind, it is a hair-raising experience.

On the other side are many people here who don't seem to know about the social impact (or should I call it the social footprint) of this organization. I am among the few lucky ones to have visited few of the places. For them this is a working place that runs from 9am to 5 or 6pm, and within these timings they are expected to abide by the rules and regulations! And one more observation I had was that hardly anyone shares their good times (or even the bad times) of their work - classes, meetings... whatever. Every time a notice is sent calling for a meeting, people kind of gear up themselves to get some firing... :P (which may or may not happen). I feel very much out of place with such people around. Nothing is looked at like "our" work, it is almost always "mine", "yours". Sometimes people are afraid of talking a few things infront of me, they feel I would inform the "higher-ups". I don't understand whom they are afraid of, may be they are afraid of themselves saying the wrong thing! I can't help but smile as I put down all these. Well, I have had enough of these experiences even before I joined here and I know to walk my way around them but thats not the solution. We need a change in attitude. We are teachers who have to show how good students should be like! We need to be good students. I take pride in being a part of SVYM, no matter what ever little I have done. I hope I can inspire at least one more and may be build that emotional link.

SVYM has given me great days already and many more to come. There are some bad things here too. The sun rises late here (come on Earth be faster), the day ends very fast (come on Earth be slower) the school should have a nap break after lunch, a football team, a chit chat place for 'out of mind' people like me and more of 'out of mind' people... sounds crazy :P. Sometimes I do miss my friends, the ritualistic midnight coffee sessions and the long walks. These kids make me so jealous, I just want to join for 9th class next year here and relive my best years (9th and 10th classes)

@ Uday and Purri.. hope you people also join and then we will have a Purri's Boston Tea Party.

--buddi

1917

22 - 02 - 2010

Movies and Careers

Movies play a big role in our lives. They make us think beyond the known, they uncover truths, they inspire us, they entertain us - They shape the way we look at things. But I feel that it is sad to believe the are 'the way'. They are never larger than life.

Recently, I have been to a movie which had a character that was close to mine... the clash between career interests and parents' opinions! Then flies a comment that I would make my parents sit and watch that movie... to explain to them that I would like to do something else (What was so nice of them was that they were thinking about this when the movie was going on!). That was one of the most shocking comments I have ever heard. May be I was and am over-reacting but that's the way it is.

What I couldn't figure out was - why I would need a movie to tell my parents that I love something. I love nuclear physics , cardiology, neuroscience, robotics, rural development and many more but I never got interested in them after reading a book or watching a video. I started loving them when I could contemplate something that was fascinating or something which raised lots of questions. To the best of my knowledge even my parents know that I like them (because I keep explaining them whatever new I learn). I couldn't succeed in convincing them that I can have a good career even in those fields. That is my failure!

When my love for something is true, it would definitely help me convince people around... I wouldn't convince my parents that I want to go into nuclear physics by showing them a 3hr video, I would better do a research project and show that. It is true movies give me the energy to keep going but I don't like the idea that a movie would decide a son-father relationship. My little mind can't accept it.

--buddi
0255
28 - 12 - 2009

My Heaven, Your Heaven

My Heaven, Your Heaven

It is always tough to draw lines. Drawing lines at what is yours and what is mine.. most people might not like the very topic but I feel it is extremely essential to maintain harmony and move forward with some one. When I first started discussing this with a few of my 'friends'.. they replied that they understood what I was trying to say but in the end they asked me why I wanted to build walls around myself! Well the truth is they never understood it... My language might look I am talking on behalf of us but I actually speak for buddi only.

Each of us have our comfort zones, each of us enjoy solitude and each of us enjoy company. What varies is what we like and at what time. No one can tolerate a breach into their precious solitude nor can we bear a time without people around. Time and again each of us are tested in this... you are almost always disturbed when you are thinking about something... the answer "Nothing" quickly follows and then.. "tell na..." is shot at you. Caught up! You can't say that you had nothing on your mind (obviously you would be lying) nor can you reveal what you was going on in your head (you are just not comfortable, had it been otherwise you would have been thinking aloud).

Some time back, there was an ad (I think it is of Reliance)... everyone likes to give suggestions. Suggestions are for free. Everyone of us claim to have put ourselves in the others' shoes and tell them what we would have done. It is interesting the way people put it. Sometimes suggestions are very essential to start a new line of thought but ultimately it us who has to make the final call. (@ suk, pur, bmv - this is what makes you special, the decision has always been mine but the thought yours).

One of my friends indicated that most people around me actually always have good suggestions for me as they are few people who are concerned about our well-being. She was very right but I still feel the walls of the heaven are still strong there. When I had asked her, "If that is the case why don't you just listen to your parents and get married, after all they are thinking about your well being?". She was taken aback and I hated myself for shooting that question at her but may be we just need to learn it the hard way...

People make comments on my dressing, spectacles, umbrella, room, books, interests, friends, sports, ACADEMICS. Most of the times the comments are wrapped up in a joke... which I enjoy! Most of those are about things which I don't give much thought about.. I guess I stick to my comfort and almost it never hurts me when one of those comments falls by my side but sometimes people tend to dig into too much of them (esp. about friends, academics) and I start feeling a touch uncomfortable. Why don't you do MBA? Why are you so bad at your academics? Why are screwing up your career? Why are your friends like that? Look at your friends, you are way behind them!... I always feel I have had enough of those, but I guess they will keep coming back until I am washed away like the beach sand. I hope I have the energy to live on with my dreams and interest..

Well, I guess everyone wants to go to heaven.. but even before we actually reach there (no one knows if it exists) we have our own imagination of how it should be. I can bet each of our heavens are extremely different! They should be, after all one is mine and the other is yours! We hardly have anything same in life... from the time of birth to time of death, every single thing is different for all of us, I feel it would be foolish to claim that we think alike or we think something is right for some one. I have just not known any person completely so far!

Everyone in this world will reach great heights. Everyone deserves to and should be given a chance to bloom. Everyone should understand that our 'heights' could just be different and 'heights' are not necessarily academic excellence. There are so many beautiful things in this world which are worth living for... everyone has their own journey. Be a part of everyone's, listen to everyone's and help them move on. To quote from "The Last Samurai" - ".. a small measure of peace we all seek. But few of us ever find". I wouldn't like to hinder my friend's search for peace! Your heaven and my heaven are different! (but I wish to be a part of yours')

--buddi

1428

12 - 11 - 2009

Football, Friends & Films

I have missed so much of these over the past few weeks may be over the months.. Time is supposed to be the medicine, but in my case it is getting worse.

I haven't played football in school for a year now I guess (may be more), which also indicates that all of us haven't met for a year and obviously we haven't gone to any movie together. This is one set... the same goes with all the friends I have.. this is the complaint book for the year.

Purri is so busy with his mini project. GOD knows what he is upto.. well, PSG has definitely turned him into the academic and lab in-charge. He has forgotten that once he hated to be at PSG... he has forgotten that he was once ready to play football any moment.. now I guess I have to explain him what a ball looks like. Thanks to Coimbatore which sucked out the little interest he had in movies... on the whole, Purri is heading for a hi-fi project under his guide next sem and then for a Ph.D in VSLI... May GOD help him. Purri was once the class' Thierry Henry.. I guess Henry sounds 'anonymous' to him now...

MBA babu.. when was the last time we had a chat? And the last time he played football with us... I guess I was a kid then. The last movie we saw together was Taare Zameen Par... December, 2007. One thing I am sure of is that this fellow will be the CEO of some company in a couple of years from now, would have settled in Mumbai (or a better place) and will send us an invitation for his marriage... ya, he was once the classmate for 12 years and I have know him for a little over 20yrs..

The Sweet Cousin.. got married and settled well! Suddenly my aunt's place looks so dull and I find no reason to go there when I am in Hyderabad... I miss my cousin. No mid-night ludo games or jokes or chocolate cakes. Obviously the movies went missing long long back! Once we used to talk about the college fun now we talk about her work in office! No wonder the frequency has come down from once a day to once in two weeks. Thats what marriage of a friend does to me.

Anirudh... once the satire GOD, now the PJ GOD. Full time busy creating more virus for McAfee. Seshendra... once the movie database and sweet shop, now in Pune. Sudheer... once the fool like me, now the secretary / head of CEA and what not... busy person these days in IIT. Amoeba is missing!

Uppi... the most hated of all, the most hated by all. I am kind of ashamed to say he was my bench-mate and team-mate for 10 years. He was the captain of the Class Cricket team. The one thing I am sure of... HE IS ALIVE! When reports last came in he was found in an ashram with a thick beard and without a mobile.. he is going to be Sri Sri Sri Upendrananda Swamiji Maharaj.. what ever crap. UPPI where ever you are, keep it in mind that your past will haunt you - you have one moron of a friend in me to tell about all the 'non-sense' we (and you in particular) did in school and life.

The INSEPARABLES - Mote and Idli.. one busy behind his girl and the other busy thinking what to do. Lazy idiots... never welcomed the suggestions like football, walks and so on..

I also miss Chikku a lot. I wish she was still around. Well, one thing everyone suggests... Life goes on, you should live as it comes. I beg to differ here, I don't know how many years I will have to live to make more friends like Uday, MBA babu, Uppu sami, Purri... I still have made some new friends - Mr.Logic, SP, Mimi and Bl, each special in their own ways and close to my heart. I love them. But none of them plays football..

@ Uday - Few months back, we used to talk about 3 fools missing friends and school days. I guess it is just 2 of us now. Surely the world is improving.

On 8th August, 1986 a Rob Reiner movie was released which ended with "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" May be he was right in some sense... friends we have at that age are valuable. I guess I just miss my friends.

Purri, where are you? That movie was your choice...

--buddi

0900

06 - 11 - 2009

What my friends wrote...

The following was the RG written for the hostel nite... Not everything needs to be true!!

Praveen aka Buddi

Less on food; more on work!
Intentional insomniac!!

In 'perfect sync' with ppl he has good understanding with.
Powerful shooter of football

Fault finding nature

Coffee addict (indeed Aztec) had his own coffee making ingredients at room

Character who can pack a quiz to get the intern he loves!

The rate at which his beard grows is faster than that of his hair.

The one incident many people might remember involving Praveen is an accident on his way to Mahab only cycle. He was on course along with Normal and Gay on cycle at midnight when he suddenly crashed into a stationary lorry. This accident left a nice sovereign on his face…

One of the best footer players in the hostel…. But still, he managed to get himself injured in practice matches leading to schroeter during his first 3 years. Too much enthu to play footer but at the end of almost any day’s play, is caught with some physical ailment owing to his random schedules of footballing. Here is a guy who b(r)ought more footballs to the hostel than any other sports sec ever had….

Nuclear physics God….. He published a paper…… He is very interested in Nuclear Physics and regrets not putting up a decent fight with his parents during his admission into IITM but thanks to that we have a wonderful friend…. one of those different guys who realised he is in wrong place quite early. He had to sacrifice a Japanese intern in Nuclear Physics due to Mech dept…. Die hard hater of Mech dept…

Books…. His room has more books than the hostel library…. He insists on reading a book of his own rather than someone else’s book.(?) with all these books in his room, you will never find a place to land your foot…. Once during Shaastra, he gave his room for five friends they neatly racked up the books so that all of them could sleep there…. As soon as buddi got hold of his room, its back to normal in less than a day..

He had more dinners in CCD in 3rd year and tiffany’s in 4th year than in mess… if we count the number of times Praveen goes to mess in a month, it will be around 45 and most of them during tea-time.

A person who doesn’t fear to voice his opinion and straight-forward in his approach (most of the times), though it lead to problems. Wrote mail to IVil group on its structure(including profs.) and the work going on, in the most satirical way possible which unfortunately was forwarded to the “Dons”(profs…this is wat he called them) and later had to meet them, luckily no after-effects.

On the whole: "A fine (but superior) human being with immense potential; currently wasted in external soul searching."


The contributors - Django, Seshu, Normal, Gay

My dream team..

My dream team...
I dreamt a lot, I dream a lot, I will continue to... it is exciting. The innumerable possibilities and their consequences are so pleasing. Sometimes I feel I can survive just with my dreams, sometimes I fear I will be lost and forgotten in my dreams. Whatever it is, here is another of my dreams. My dream team.

16 people for the 16 places.

The King - Satheesh - I can't think of anyone better, he is the best team leader I have had and I don't see anyone filling his shoes any sooner.

The Minister - Anirudh - the humorous, friendly, hard-working and what ever possible. He is one of my best friends and advisors. There are few people who never take 'no' for an answer, he is the first one of that kind in my team.

The Rooks - Vijay & Kavya - I consider them to be the 'odd-ones' in the team. They like to be on their own. They are always working and do it the way they like it. They are not the 'ideal team-members', but still they do have the much necessary strong shoulders for the team.

The Bishops - Swathi & Bhavani - No replacements possible. Swathi's passion for her subject, Bhavani's committment to work, Swathi's smile, Bhavani's jokes, Swathi's PJs (?)... unique. Two very different persons, two different routes - I guess they justify their presence as bishops. Who takes the black square or the white one.. yet to be decided! Most of the times, your intent to do something or help someone is more than enough. It is these, around whom the interest levels in the team would keep running around.

The Knights - Uppi & Ravishankar - the work-horses of the team. Both of them are people who live up to their words, innovative in their approach and hence 2 of the 3 creative geniuses in the team. They do all the running around which most people would hesitate to take up.

The Pawns -

Uday - He is God. I have no explanation as to why he is a pawn, may be just that we almost never shared common interests. After being his team-mate for 5 yrs in school, I realised that there wouldn't be another Uday in my life again. He is a must in the team though I call him the 'crib-God', he is a God in several others.

Purri, Idli, Yeshwanth - The 'maalum nahi' trio. They are several times better than what Vijju has shown them as to the Orkut community. Purri is the 3rd creative genius in the team. Idli is the only-one who will support even if you say "murder Idli". Everyone of us look up to Yeshwanth, for his timely jokes, untimely bluffing... a comedian at mouth, a 'human' at heart.

Swetha - Why the hell is she here? I don't know... I have got used to her so much for the 22years I have lived, that I feel it is impossible to do anything without her being involved in it someway or the other. I have no better reason.

Sudheer - Enthusiasm at its peak... can it be better.

MLN Sri Harsha - I don't know him much, but the few times I have met him.. he has left an ever lasting impression. He is calm and composed and a great person at heart.

After mentioning 15 names, I am tempted to mention mine and thats the way it is. How can I think of a 'dream' team that has all my favourites and not me along with them..

I have a few more names whom I would like to include in my team, lack of place is a issue. They are (in the order of preference) Nalini, Shilpa, Padmapriya, Ardra, Mrudula, Praneeta and Aditya. It is interesting to note that while the team is male-dominated one.. the females in the additionals team out number the males by a huge margin. I have never worked with Aditya, my brother. I enjoy a special chemistry with him, communicating mostly with whistles and sign languages... in the very near future, I think he will be in my main team. Many people would question my choices, especially about the exclusion of a few of people... but this is the way it is. These are the ones I like to work with, I like to be with.

I have one more dream... do something that will put all of my team members at one place, but they still continue to do what they are most interested in. I often dream of helping people realise their dreams. This is my aim in life and I am still miles away from finding out how I can do it. This one bothers me, bothers me a lot. Can't help myself yet. Whatever stupid ideas I come up with are my attempts to achieve this... for one day in my life if it does happen, there would be nothing else left to achieve.

Hope I realize this dream, at least in my dreams.

--buddi
0846
6 - 5 - 2009

My friends owe me..

My friends owe me...

I have written here to let out my excitement, to let out my anger, to tell about my love, my hatred and so on... this one is out of frustration. My friends owe me too many things.. I am fed up of making diary entries. This is a highly "censored" and mostly "slang-free" version... if you want to read the original, be my friend for a year and it will be delivered on phone.

Yesterday, one of my friends left to her home... her last few lines being "I owe you some money and we also promised a treat, we will try to fulfill all the promises in the next semester... ". Why don't people realize that 3 months of vacation is a long time, I have been waiting endlessly for their treats and I don't have accounts on how much weight I would have shed thinking about all these. My grandmother keeps complaining about my diameter.. and so I complain. Here is a memory recall test for me... this is what my friends owe me.

• Starting with my first friend - my cousin... she owes me 3 chocolate cakes, 6 softies and what not. She is yet to give me a treat for the job, marriage, laptop (a pen drive is not a treat), Harry Potter books, photos I have taken, "dabba", teaching her to play cricket, giving her the bump on forehead, telling how 'hopeless' she was, not disturbing when she was sleeping, bleeding pinches I got, telling that her high-heels looked good (do you think that I was right), helping her eat 'well' at home and at parties, accompanying her to movies... Shit! I don't want to waste my blog space for her. Forget it.
  

• 56 ice-creams & a partnership... This is an interesting bit of statistics here which consumes most of my RAM these days. This friend had promised me as many as 56 ice creams so far (as per an agreement, details are classified.. :P, ice cream is more important) and promised to be a partner in the proposed ice cream factory (not my idea). Of the 56, some 7-8 have been given so far and when will the rest come... I am waiting. The business plan draft is ready and if it starts going, her share of production will be my treat, I guess. I am counting and 3-digit numbers are 10 times tougher to remember, so please start putting the ice-creams and company when I plan to eat.

• 3 sips from a Coke tin... Vijju, the one and only Vijju owes me this and has been pending for 9 years. It is high time... I have never asked him too much for being made to look like a fool for so many years whenever I was with this guy and another idiot. Keeping it pending for this long is bad. I agree he has sponsored Sprite a number of times at 5th Avenue Bakery, but Coke is Coke.

• 500 GB Memory in my brain & 2 hrs a week... the other idiot here. He has dumped so much about movies into my brain. Forget about the movies, the reviews and analysis would weigh a simple 500 GB of text files in my brain. Is it grey or white cells to add? I know whom to ask. I can't tell how different I am (I wouldn't call screwed up) after watching the movies he suggested... Dead Poets Society, Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Shawshank Redemption, Crimson Tide, Straight Story, Seven Samurai, Yojimbo.. I don't even remember the names, I need memory. This idiot put me to Coke. According to him, Pepsi tastes like soap water... that was enough. Every week I spend at least 2 hrs looking for Coke. I want a payback!

• 2TB HDD (& 10 Mbps net)... Purri, this PSG fellow owes me a 2 TB HDD to live up to his expectations of providing him with all the football videos and movies he wants to see. For all the crazy movie names he mentions I would need a 10 Mbps net connection to download from the torrents or what ever non-sense he talks about. Luckily, I don't understand any of the torrent thing and I am spared of the movie download. For now it is the football videos, I am planning to ask him for some service charges and trust me, that would be a killing!

• Manuscript... I had promised one of my friend that I will publish her first book. I have my funding part ready. I am also finding out details of how to publish a book. All I am waiting for is the manuscript. It is not about the publishing, I just want to read the book.

• Blog space & Web Albums - I would like to write lots and I have to abuse a lot of people. All my friends owe me some blog space to share my views about them, you don't want to humiliated publicly. Infinite photos I have got in my comp, I can't spare anymore space for these. Too many important things and too less space. I just want to write down every memory I have before I end up being an amnesia patient. Don't smile, I have got few symptoms showing up and thanks to the IIT.. it will ensure that. I have too many things... I am losing it fast.
  

• Creativity & more friends... this is not something, people have promised me but I guess it is their moral responsibility. They have stolen my creativity. I am out of ideas to write something here or in Reading Between the Lines. They have set a few standards which hardly any one touches and looking for these I end up lengthening my list of non-friends. All you people, who are reading this you better help me...

Other things that no one has promised but still they owe me... football (all the B-section walas are you reading?), live music and dance performance, Vijju's autograph, a trip around India...

Well, I have cribbed enough I guess. I am feeling more relaxed now.

--buddi
0716
4 - 5 - 2009

Just when I was about to type my name.. I decided to use this chance to say to "sorry" to a dear one. Hopefully, it reaches the other end... I could never dare to tell that.