Monday, December 29, 2008

The Tiffin Box Story

8. The Tiffin Box Story

Tiffin boxes form a very important part of everyone's schooling... I am sure no one would disagree on this. Our story was no different, may be more eventful than what you would have expected it to be. We were special!

Two rules were almost always followed - everyone liked the others' more than theirs' and everyone shared theirs' (I think the first does guarantee the second!)

This would be a list of whatever I can recollect about our tiffin boxes -
  • Starting off the with the most famous - Idli's idlis - for almost 3 - 4yrs everyone saw the same thing... no wonder he looked like one! Then there were the 'kutty idlis with a fork' of Naresh - more popularly known as 'button idlis' as Idli had named them... not to forget the leg-touch game we used to play just outside the class!
  • Next best according to me was Uppi's huge box - which weighed more than the books in his bag and he weighed less than anyone in the class! The most remembered of his was the dosa.. he continued his legacy with serving us dosa on our trip to Shirdi (Note: He made / cooked / .. them!)
  • Then my box - most awaited was the biryani! It didn't come very often but when it came it used to turn me into a sprinter and Uppi & Vijju into businessmen... It is true that I was forgiven for an overthrow in a cricket match the moment these guys came to know that I had brought biryani! I think this continues to be the dish everyone likes even now.. Uday keeps telling me that... next time all of us meet at my home with a huge dish full!
  • Uday's and Sastry's most common - chappati with pickle - both of them ate very less of what they brought! Uday used to get a huge hot pack when ever we went out for some competition. Out of the 3 in our team he was the most sincere one opening the box first... but as a ritual, he used to eat just 2 spoons of whatever he brought (most often - lemon rice) and then used to survive on LAYS for the rest of the day... he made me eat so much of LAYS that, what was once a hatred is now a liking!
  • Arvind's box in box - his was the most unique one... a rectangular box having another rectangular box for the curry... mostly chappati with a curry (I don't know what they call it) which almost everyone liked..
  • The most famous incident - Vijju dashed into *******'s brother on the staircase and said saale... everyone of us followed... Vijju meant it!!!! For further details contact Vijju - vijay7287@gmail.com
  • The most infamous incident - Class 2 - I was being chased by Tija for a share in my box... running and fell onto a concrete block... deep cut on the head... severe bleeding. Most irritating of all - the never ending lecture by one of the teachers!
  • The daily routine - Get out of the class.. check how many stairs each can jump at a time... run to the ground, put all the boxes opened on the wall... eat whatever you want, clean up all boxes.. go play football!
  • The best use - If you can't tackle, throw the box at the ball... while playing football with the small ball! Most of our boxes were shapeless because of these... ramuk yaniv, ramu, uday, vijju, tija, kozi... were among the most popular at this art. I had tried it only twice.. once I missed it by a huge distance and the second time I hit Naveen straight on his knee... that was the only time I ever saw him angry!
Other participants included pp, purri, tarun, nikhil, nili, laxmikanth, srikanth, twins... unfortunately I don't remember much of their tiffin box stories! Laxmikanth had to listen to our complaints about Mrs.Veenarani everyday during the break... after all, she was his aunt..

I am sure I had missed a lot..

This was the last post of the year..
Happy New Year! May it bring in loads of joy and memories..

--buddi
2359
29 - 12 - 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The time with you

The time with you

All the time I spent with you
all that I wished I did
when questioned, 'why?'
I had to say, 'why question why?'

One day you would be far
a hard truth to take
One day you would be someone big
a thing that would come true

Things would change forever
I know you would still be the same for me
every moment of these meetings
would be lived again!!

I just want more of these
always into a confusion
do I disturb her, may be some other time...
may be the time would never come again...

It does pain, a tough decision to make
but as I think over again
I agree I spend lots of time
with her, with her memories

What more do I want
I know mine, all reason is a lie
just followed my heart
need I say more.

But when you question, 'why?'
I would still be the same
worn-out guy I was

--buddi
0120
15 - 09 – 2008

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A New Place...



3. To the land where I belong

I had stepped into an puddle and slipped... I fell flat. I was sure I had a bleeding knee. As the last the boogie went past me... I could see shocked faces staring at me...

The good thing at this age is that, though you are physically much weaker you are mentally much stronger, there is nothing new... be it people staring at you, shouting at you, throwing suggestions, these wounds, Oh.. I have had many many wounds and this was no different! Slowly I helped myself up and quickly collected my baggage. As I was doing someone came running to me, "Ayyo, ayyo!!"... .

The man seemed to be the station master. He sounded very concerned. He quickly helped me find some shelter... I was taking my time. The thoughts of the fall were still running in the back of my mind and wasn't really concentrating what was being told to me. Innumerable questions were thrown at me, the one that made sense was about why I got down there. Meanwhile I pulled out a towel from my bag and wiped off all the mud and used some water to clean up the wound. I knew this was the first of many to come. Not a bad start, I thought. I was waiitng for the rain to slow down a bit... meanwhile there was a quick flash of thoughts of how I started out... I was lost in those thoughts.

I was suddenly disturbed by a lightning, as if to tell me that I had some work to do. I had fallen asleep, a short pleasant one. The station master was gone. The platform looked absolutely deserted. Now I had to start, I was getting late. As I made my way into the water outside the so-called station, I looked for some transport facilities. Absolutely nothing... Oh God! why did I get down here... This thought was a bit painful one. Repent - the one thing that can kill anyone! It feels good to give a comment on every feeling of fine but in the end I don't want to become some whom I hate...

Almost no human movement was visible.. except for a small group of people having some tea about a 50 metres from where I was. The very thought I might get something to eat made me feel hungry. I did find some idlis lying in the hot pack but the neatness wasn't very pleasing... as I was having my breakfast I was observing how those tea glasses were being washed and put back into use. The thought that tea will be served in those was making me feeling uncomfortable. Aah! I was getting to those old days... no.. not any more. But I have to accept that immaterial of how the food was served, I did enjoy the food.

Then I took a road, which seemed to be the only one, hoping that I will find something... on the way I inquired from a few people but their answers were not very encouraging. As I was trying hard to convince my old legs to keep going I found some help. I met some one who changed the course of my journey. I met some one whom I believed right from our first meeting... not a friend of mine, someone different!


--buddi

0347

08 - 12 - 2008

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A piece from a poet

Courtesy: Internet

A piece from a poet


I had been writing for long now,
the idea of stopping not around,
pretty interesting so far,
riding on someone's glory, an easy work...

I enjoyed being called a poet
I lived every bit of it
but as it hits me now,
what is there, that was truly mine?

Loads of improper phrases thrown around
lines which were far from complete
reading in between never being possible
every bit I claimed that just falls off

But there is beauty in what I write
I agree gladly when someone says that
they are right, there is beauty
not in those broken lines!

There is beauty in the inspiration
there is beauty in the soul,
the ones that keep it 'a piece'
the ones about whom I write

All I write has never been mine
all of it just a stack full of views
and I still wait for 'my best'
the pen moves ahead.

A long distance to go yet,
before I reach 'my best',
'my best' that defines my quest -
'a piece' that has everything I want to write,
something so complete,
that I would have nothing left to write again

That I would call would be
the 'true piece' from this poet
and I know you wouldn't leave it so simple!!
Yet, the pen moves ahead
and the search continues...

--buddi
0721
19 - 09 - 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Book of Knowledge


7. A Book of Knowledge

This one is going to be a special one...

This story dates back to my seventh class (98-99). It was an eventful year and it was the starter of the big feast that followed till the end of my schooling. I still remember the small class in the first floor of Ramakrishna Bhavan and those 3-seater benches. I used to sit in the second bench along with Upendra and Shiva. Upendra and myself were benchmates in school for almost 10yrs, right from the day he joined the school to our last day in school. He is a very very special friend of mine... I have loads and loads to tell about him and I fear this blog would never be enough.

Shiva was a new to our class. He was a different guy - never got along with our batch well, kept things to himself, hardly talked to people, struggled a bit in academics but hesitated to ask for help, was good at sports but not many knew that... It took quite a long time for us to become friends. There was something in this guy... the more I was getting closer to this guy, I was getting away from the rest of the batch. It was only in the next year that I realised that... after Shiva had left the school and suddenly I was running short of friends (but it wasn't for too long...)

By the time we started going around together it was already December, time for the Christmas vacation! It was a long boring one for me and I am sure everyone in our class had felt the same. January 2nd of 1999 was a good day!! We were back in school talking to each other how we spent our holidays, no one had any big stories and very soon we were back into the routine - classes, games period, art.. going to Shiva's home... trying to study there for some time. Upendra, the mathematical genius, often used to help us both and I tried the same for Science and social. No one realised how time was running by, 3rd unit test already... hardly a month to go before the summer vacation.

I always used to spend every single day of vacation at my native place... this time I decided not to and plans were on. After days of arguments and proposals we finally decided upon something very interesting... a General Knowledge Book. We decided to make a GK Book that could be used by three of us. We had a good number of books but no book had everything!! So we decided to put together every piece of information we could gather. We divided the work among ourselves... I was incharge of collecting the information, Uppi the incharge for the paper and binding (his father was working in a paper industry!!) and Shiva was held responsible for printing.

None of us were good at computers, so the idea of typing everything in MS Word was ruled out. The house owner of Shiva had a type-writer and Shiva had asked his permission for using it during the Summer. Uppi got all the necessary white sheets... to make it look a bit attractive, we decided to put a green coloured page after every white sheet - effectively making the book have 2 colours! The size of the sheets was A5 (my love for that size and the green coloured sheets is alive even today!). I had collected some 6 books which included Manorama 1999, Upkar's etc. To keep the book updated, I got newspaper cuttings of all major news starting Jan 1st. We were about to come out with a book better than Manorama itself... the very thought was exciting! Just to add to our excitement, we got a few more books from the Librarian (they were Specimen copies, which were being cleared)...

By the end of March, we had finished all major arrangements... I had written down some 50-60pages which had to be typed, Uppi had drawn margins for over 200 sheets, Shiva was coming up with a schedule for our work. It was exam time again and for a few days we had to postpone work... When we got back to it after the exams, we were reviewing our work... corrections, updates, editing, formatting, cover-page design... the work was getting tougher, more satisfying... we wanted everything to be ready before we started the typing. I had started working in the nights at home and during day at Uppi's home. Things were ON.. full swing!!

The content was up-to-date, exhaustive, reliable, presented according to our convenience, table of contents, index, photos... you name it, we had it. It was going to be the best work of our lives.. Everything about the book was excellent except for one thing -



We could never type it!



I tried to carry on the work for as long as I could but somewhere things went wrong... the book is still waiting to be printed... I still miss our work... every time I am in a team working on something, I get reminded of my old days...

@ Uppi and Shiva - we will finish our book some day... I will pray that the day is not very far..

Few things I don't remember - The name of the book, the reason why we stopped, our budget, did others know about this? ...

--buddi
0450
24 - 11 - 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Home, Sweet Home!


Home, Sweet Home!

Home, Sweet Home!
Few wait to be back,
Few on a journey to find one,
Eventually everyone has one.

Be it
the lonely bird,
the deserted house,
the travelling Ravi,
or yourself...

Everyone will be back home
Home, Sweet Home!

--buddi
0245
18 - 11 - 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

The journey continues...

2. The journey continues...

It had started drizzling outside. I could see myself running along those slippery boundaries of the paddy fields, sitting under those big tamarind trees after getting totally drenched, playing kabaddi beside the temple, races to cross the muddy trench, running along the roads to have a plate of bhajji... tonnes and tonnes of those moments. All of them in rain. Memories are a good thing to have. Sometimes I am into this doubt - was it all real? or, was I just dreaming? There is a line dividing dreams and reality... in the run all these years I have forgotten the line. I often dream about getting back to my friends, getting back to my old days... I don't know when I got separated from them. It is a dream... hope it always isn't!

Dreaming is a healthy sign... at least you know that somewhere within you the spirit is still alive. Everyone dreams and everyone has the right to dream... but what you dream could vary from the sweetest dreams to your struggle for survival in this world. I once dreamt of being a good doctor, a good citizen and what not. But today I feel I have been torn apart... Of all the people I see around, there is hardly any one who has been behind their dreams. The kids working in these stations, the kids polishing shoes, the kids selling tea, what have they done to be deprived of all those wonderful dreams of childhood...

Oops.. an alarm! My watch shows 8am... time for my BP tablets. Suddenly the alarm had broken my chain of thoughts. I don't know how these tablets work on me. My doctor tells me that one tablet a day helps keep my BP in control... I doubt that. I always feel I was more warm blooded during my college days, now I am all the more passive to insult... and high BP?? They don't go together! Yesterday's was the last tablet I had taken... at least I want freedom from these.

Oh.. what was I thinking about? I missed it... will recollect it in a while. But whatever it was, I know it was yet another confession. Memories... memories... they haunt you... they are something you relish... they are something that will make you cry. But one thing is true, every memory is a moment you had lived... so there is nothing like you can't.

The train was slowing down... further delay... damn! The place looks very scenic... barely visible green hills in the backdrop, the track some 10ft above the surrounding area, dim light, drizzling... A couple of huts were now visible. A yellow board having the name "Kuttulu"... is this a station? I was looking for the platform... can't find any. A beautiful village.. with hardly any houses in the vicinity. A excellent place to be at - I thought. It was indeed very intoxicating. Should I get down here? Why did the train stop here? Where am I going to stay? Did the train stop for me? I don't think so. Everyone looked disturbed seeing that the train stopped there. I was telling myself to get down and that this was the place to be. But I didn't know any one here... in fact I never heard of this place. Yes.. No.. Yes.. No.. My thoughts were going no where. The horn was blown... the train was going to start. I didn't want to repent once again in life... I decided I would get down.

I quickly pulled my bags and ran for the door... the train had started moving. I pushed my bags out... I didn't ever care to see where they fell. It was now my turn, the train had gained good speed. I doubted whether I could make it... without wasting much time I set my foot on the ground and tried my best to keep up with the speed of the train. Not quite there.... THUD!

--buddi
0443
17 - 11 - 2008

Saturday, November 15, 2008

You are special!


You are special!

No questions ever raised,
no reasons ever seeked,
as simple as it sounds,
as simple as this is

You are special!

I wish to learn,
I wish to live,
with thoughts to be shared,
with memories to be taken forward...

I admire, I envy,
hardly anytime left,
too many to catch up with,
you are too BIG to explain

You are special!

--buddi
0438
15 - 11 - 2008


PS: This is about a couple of my friends. They know its about them.. for the rest it is about some one you would like to be...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

To the land where I belong

Photo Credits: Purri (taken from a moving train Jan, 2008)

1. To the land where I belong

The red sun, a vast expanse of green paddy fields with a faint fog, the scarecrows, the thatched roofs, the cattle, the canals, the odour of the dung, the metal roads, the tobacco leaves... aah! I can already feel my heart pounding. This journey never seemed to be so long, I had been on this route for all my life but still it has been a long one... another 100 miles to go! I had spent the whole night sitting by the window for this air, “this is where I belong”. Suddenly a sense of belongingness! The cold breeze is cutting through my old-wrinkled skin, as I put on my sweater I imagine myself standing in those fields with open arms... as free as I was as a kid, as free I want to be...

It has been a long life, always doing something for my tomorrow. I am here now, nothing more to do, no where to go... In this part of your life, everything seems to come to a halt suddenly. You realise that you no longer are going to take the same crowded bus to your office, you no longer share lunch with your colleagues, no more of those jokes over a coffee... the day you retire, everything that has been a habit for over 30yrs is all gone. The first few days after that are the worst, unable to decide what to do, unable to ask for help, “I was driven crazy”. Thats the time when you think, you dig into your life... what have you done for yourself?

That one question has set me on this journey. My journey to find home. My journey to find my soul, I had dropped somewhere in this countryside. At this age, when I don't know when my body is going to give up... all that I long for is 'life'. Life in its simplest forms... I hope to find some company in these fields, in these streams, ponds and whatever is here. “This is where I belong” feels really good to say that. It is going to be my home for as long as I live. All of life is about finding 'home', a home where you get the love you crave for and the peace which we all seek.

Whenever this thought runs across my mind it does bring a smile on my face, “but what am I going to do there?” I have no idea of that... may be play, may be sing, may be dance, may be write... absolutely anything that reminds me that “I am alive”. I have nothing to give to this world now. When I look at the others in the compartment, everyone in their own world, I see myself among them. I was as ignorant as everyone here is, except for the kid whose dreams are still undisturbed by this cruel world!

My name is Ravi. I am going home...

--buddi
0801
09 – 11 – 2008

Saturday, November 8, 2008

A start or an end

Courtesy: Internet

A start or an end

Please forgive me...
I now know I was wrong,
but there is hardly any that I can do now
it is out of my hands now

If you are still feeling low
please tell me...
anything I can do to help you
Please forgive me

Your words still play with my mind
I have learnt my lesson
but I was made to pay
I repent for what I created
Are things just going to end here?

No not again,
I can't take any of this more
lost in between thoughts
tiring and lonely - the last thing I want

Was it the end I hoped against
Was it just a better start that you showed
don't know what to take from it
unless you say something more

As I wait for that and look into the dark day
I still don't know what I think about
but one thing I want to say again
please forgive me

--buddi
0401
27 - 08 - 2008

PS: An ice-breaker... nothing comes so easily, so was this one. I couldn't think of something better... Hope things get better. I owe all of this and the ones yet to come here, to a friend of mine. Someone about whom I haven't yet written... things just don't end with a "thank you"... things just don't end here. Thank you my dear friend.

Courtesy: Internet

Monday, October 6, 2008

A post...

Whats there in the name... nothing much...
Whats there in this post... nothing much...

Every time I see this link in my bookmarks... I just get back to those wonderful days. I have had few nice moments with this blog. I would call it one of my best friends. A place where I just let myself go free.. write what ever I feel like writing. Nothing was ever at stake! All I had was a couple of friends - Uday and this one. They knew every bit of me and they just listened to whatever I had. Those were difficult days...

Today I know I am a different one... much more crazy, "cynical" and what not.. whenever I look back at those days I feel proud that I pulled myself through those days. I agree I have become a lot more cynical I would add that I had a reason. All that matters to me is that I do have a few more friends now and I have learnt to live.

Friends do great things in our life. They just seem to turn around the whole world for you! It is a pleasant experience. I am really enjoying few of those moments which never came up here.They aren't many of them but then they carry along those few moments when I just forgot who I am.

As people say, "nothing comes for free"... Though it wasn't costly in my case, I had to be a bit more careful with my thoughts and words. I would have liked to be a free bird. But this one - a tough one! I did learn quite a bit from it but it just wasn't enough... These days I find it much more difficult to satisfy both my interests... may be I just have to be the one most people like!! Does this call for an end to this blog - I have no answer for that??

What do I intend do now? May be just get back to those diary entries, have a read... wait for a few more days, enjoy for a few more days and then... just disappear... things would never change much!


Monday, August 25, 2008

The Magical hand...


6. The Magical hand...

Its been a long time since I wrote one in this series and this would be a good one to resume with!!

This part of my life dates back to classes 6 and 7 (somewhere around 1995 or 96)... they were definitely great years and had a lot of happenings like my academic downfall, my extra-curricular rise to supremacy, my new team-mates, my new classmates and many more...

This one is definitely going to stand out. I hope you will enjoy this.

Like any other day school had ended at 1.40pm and Vijay, Upendra, Ramu and myself were among the first ones to run out of the compound wall and we ran towards the ice-cream vendor. He used to sell cones at prices starting 50np. The most interesting he had was the wheel (like the roulette wheel in casinos) attached to his vehicle. This wheel had 1s all over with two 2s and a 3 distributed randomly. With every cone we buy we get to turn the wheel once and if our luck favors us we might get 1 or 2 extra cones.

I was among the first few to turn it and as any one would guessed it it was a 1. As each of us took turns, there was a 2 in between and I found it was Vijju who got it. It was just a beginning!

As days passed by Vijju just got more and more lucky, if he laid his hand on the wheel it was a sure shot multiple!! Day after day for almost two years Vijju kept using his magical hand to put a 'treat' everyday after school. Every one was looking for him after school and even if he had just missed on any occasion he would fool the vendor by pushing the wheel again into the spot. It was all great fun then and we just liked it.

The magical hand never seemed to rest and even today it is being put into good use. But whenever I think of that vendor, I feel sorry for him... was it his bad luck ?? You know businesses can go wrong because of various reasons and what you have seen here is just another example... do MBAs help you face these? Lets wait for an answer from "the Golden Hand" himself!!

--buddi
1617
25 - 08 - 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I wish you were here


I wish you were here

A never ending expanse of water,
caught in between hills of forest green
the horizon missing on every side
the clouds waiting to bless

No human greed to be seen
I am here, it was a splendid moment
all things, all worries seemed to have lost -
their importance, but it wasn't to be so

I wish you were here
this was a place to be
I remember - you asked for it

Every second memories flooding my mind
enjoying every moment of it
I let myself loose
unbounded thoughts, my heart taking giant leaps

Now, I want someone to share with
I wish you were here
you are the one so dear
with whom I can share anything

I miss you now
I wish you were here...
its going to be a long wait
until I meet you

--buddi
1244
07 - 07 - 2008


The picture doesn't really fall into the class of "paintings". But I would like to call it one. Exceptions can be made for me...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

A book is weeping

Photo courtesy: Internet

A book is weeping

A book once went into the hands of a 'beautiful' person and returned unhealthy... The person thoroughly enjoyed the book and the book enjoyed the reader's interest but where did it go wrong? Why does the book have to suffer and why do I have to write here...

There are lots of issues which do irritate me. May be I am out of my mind most of the times. May be I just blow things out of proportion but I believe I still have a point. I have been questioned a lot about my affiliation/inclination/affection towards books and for all those I never really had an answer.

What I have here is just another "typical Praveen's article", so I decide where to stop writing and you decide where to stop reading.

I still remember the wonderful guide of Bombay my father bought when he had been there (that was may be in the 1980s). Full of wonderful B&W photographs of all the interesting places in the city. But in my second or third class I cut the book into pieces for those photographs for my scrap book. Only later did I realize that I was never going to get that book back. I think I was right and thats what pains me today. Every mark we make on a book or every page we tear is just permanent and no supreme power / technology can undo it.

Right from the moment a book goes off from my hand I just pray it returns back with the smile still on. But every time I feel weaker and let down. Whatever is there in the book is still as important as earlier then how could something be allowed to degrade with the reading. At least I wouldn't accept it.

There is an unavoidable wear and tear with usage but to what extent is it acceptable? Am I being foolish all over? The questions still remain unanswered. I would like to draw this to an end saying -

Books are knowledge. Books are treasures. Books are my love. Books are for generations to see. And the book is still weeping!!

--buddi
0359
23 - 08 - 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Its my life...


Its my life

Its my life you are talking about
Its my life...

just don't mind,
just don't bother,
just don't pester
Its my life you are talking about
Its my life

Just yesterday I was there
just today I am here
not everyday
not very far... I will be who I am

Its my life you are talking about

You could never see me
you could never listen to me
you could never talk to me
for all that you did all this time
was just a subliming part
I was never the real one

countless hearts that made me
countless dreams that keep me happy
countless goals that keep me alive
countless... just countless
Thats my life

Look around, have you ever talked to me?
be ONE in everyone's life

--buddi
0043
03 - 06 - 2008

Monday, August 18, 2008

Long after you are gone...

Finally I have decided to break my silence!!

Not with the one I would have liked to but with my best so far...




Long after you are gone


Long after you are gone
I think I can see you around
lots to talk and share
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
I think those smiles will still be with me
lots to listen to
but it would never happen

Long after you are gone
on a breezy winter night
with the lights still on
I think I will still feel you around

But I was sleeping for long
for one thing I failed to realize -
Long after you are gone
I wouldn't be there for so long

--buddi
1125
09 - 06 - 2008

Things just don't end here, lots is there to follow. I am back here... FREE from obligations and promises. I am FREE now and will live to be FREE. Who cares about what you think, who cares about where you go... at least I don't care. All I need to follow is my heart and the journey has begun now!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Last post...

People did wonderful things to me in my life... All that has happened to me so far has always been so good and made me so happy, I don't even want to try explaining that...

People around me right from my LKG to these late days of my B.Tech third year... everyone had something to teach me, everyone had something to share with me... so many of those memorable experiences... Just lost count of those...

Today, I see one of my friend is in pain and it has become tougher than ever to talk about memories here...

One of my friend is in pain,
there is so much of distance between us,
I can't dare to talk to my friend,
all I can do is pray for my friend's well being...

I envy my friend...

Today I leave this blog here, promising that I will get back the day I see my friend happier... All the memories dedicated to this dear friend of mine... I will be back, I will keep my promise....


bye

buddi
1324
03 - 04 - 2008



Wednesday, April 2, 2008

You're beautiful...


One more song I liked..


James Blunt - You're Beautiful


My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la la la la la la la

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stars Smile!!

This doesn't quite fit into Orkut and that is why it is here..

This is about someone who makes me feel like a GOD (and also blessing people..) whenever she is talking to me... from the heights I am taken to I fear crashing to death...

Sweet, Kind, Affectionate, Caring, Playful and what not... I have found every virtue I would admire and envy... may be of the few things I don't like much is her tendency to become a prey of unnecessary and avoidable circumstances... she is one of her kind...

I just fear whether I will ever be able to give her a fitting TRIBUTE for what she means to me and for all that she has done to me... at least I have to try

Sun sets,
birds go back home,
cool breezes begin,
everything becomes so pleasant,
another day comes to an end...

Stars show up,
united they glow,
innumerable dreams are born,
many unending counts start,
yet they are always out of reach...

Stars... glittering stars,
in cloudy skies...
we thought they were gone,
winds blow...
clouds are torn apart,
stars... glittering stars,
they are back again...

Stars smile...
they are never gone

Stars smile...
innumerable dreams are born

Stars smile...
hearts are elated

Stars smile!!

For all the good things that have come into my life after I met her and the others, all I have is a place in this blog and an already cramped heart... they definitely deserve more...

Well, she was just one of the many who made this moment as beautiful as it is... I pray to hang on for some more time... Some more time for me to find a TRIBUTE... Some more time for me to spend with them... Some more time for me to sail with them... I don't want names, I don't want rewards... All I ask for... Just some more time...

-- buddi
1459
27 - 03 - 2008

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Unbearable love... I am receding!!



"blissed :) "
"a memorable day :) "
"I can't imagine even one day of my life in IIT without them..."
"its like... I can do anything and take any pain to be with them"
"Life is all about happiness. Find out the best people hidden near you"

So much love being poured in, so much care being taken, so much concern shown... This is what I prayed for, this is what I lived for...

So many happy people around... just can't be idle - sitting back on my bed... so many relishing moments, just feel so happy to be able to see all this! No more wasting of time thinking, no more wasting of time here writing... just go and take a dive, drown in the world of happiness and just pray that I die down silently... Whom do I thank, whom do I give credit... questions better left unanswered...

Just carrying a heavy heart, can't take more of it.. already cramped... just counting my days, just don't want to look back, just don't want to look ahead... I am happy where I am... I am happy as I am... I am receding, just staying afloat... going where it takes me... I don't mind..

O love... O friend... just be as sweet as you are...

--buddi
1933
23 - 03 - 2008

A mirror..


Yesterday... A day I will remember for years to come...

A day when I saw myself in another person... it was as if I was talking to myself... he was always there in front of me but it took me a long while to realize... "I knew him for over 3 semesters but still, I have known him only since yesterday"... sometimes you just miss out these people... he had opened up finally.

He shared things which once happened in my life... he confessed his mistakes... similar to the ones I had committed... everything reminded me of my dreadful past... I could feel his pain, for some time all that pain was back in my life... I felt helpless... all that I could do was just shed a couple of tears (and I managed to keep them unnoticed)... he was in trouble, he needed help... all of his experiences had left me speechless, I was left searching for words and even courage to talk something... all that I could do was lend an ear for everything he had... he talked about his sister, a sister he wanted to have. This gave me some hope... finally we had some one to help us out... she came there, she patiently listened to what was going on...

As the interaction went on, I found some relief as it was not the unknown to me... it was something I had been through some time back... just that it was a bit difficult to share my experiences with him.

Things were sorted out... things were back in place. Now the place did seem to be a better place for him - himself, his parents, his family and his sister - everyone was there in the reason, everyone was there in the interaction and everyone was there in the solution. He is now a more happy kid than he was... I just can't believe my joy after seeing elated, it was a hair-raising one... even after 10hrs after that incident, I am still running around with a happy heart, pounding!

Just can't believe what I had been through... just can't control my...

Thanks to this dear friend of mine and his dear sister for making me realize a few more mistakes, realize a few of relationships, realize that I had company and realize...

Just can't handle it... just can't look into mirrors any more... just wishing my dears are always out of that...

--buddi
0358
23 - 03 - 2008

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

You always have a choice

9th March 2008 at around 10.15am at Thiruvanmiyur beach, I was playing with the soft sand when I heard some one say "You always have a choice" - I just looked up to see who it was, it did remind me of the dialogue from the movie "Spider man"... but it was not just a borrowed line from a movie or part of a long conversation with a girl... it went almost unnoticed when I heard it for the first time, may be it needed a beach and a line from this beloved friend to drill into my heart...

It is not just a line with some message... Something better goes into it... it took me a long while to realise that. May be I am wrong even now but it did require some genuine effort from my side to arrive at some conclusions. They do seem to be quite obvious to me now, but I just needed some place to put them down.

"you always have a choice"... you do have a choice to read on or drop the idea!!

I once had a chance to tell my parents I wasn't interested, I once had a chance to confess that I stole money, I once had a chance to thank my friends when they celebrated my success, I once had a chance to keep up the promise I made to my favourite lecturer, I once had a chance to give my best in the last 25m to finish first in the 8 km run, I once had a chance to meet a professor right in time to publish a research paper, I once had a chance to give my best to attend INPC, I once had a chance to drop a movie to extend my last meet with my lecturer, I once had a chance... I always had a chance.

But why all these now? Just that these keep coming back as nightmares in my life... I missed those chances. I kept complaining all life, I kept blaming people all life, but I always failed to realise that I still had a choice. Sometimes I feel I was late at a few things, I took the wrong turn at a few places... but today I realised, the decision was always in my hands. And, if you fail to make the decision right, just accept the situation and one day you will realise that where ever you go, you always have something for yourself. Then it all melts down to your capability of finding out how capable you are in adapting to the situations and moving ahead and digging out your dear victories. This is a point I once made in my entry "Being at the wrong place"... but the irony is that I almost never put it to use. Just hoping that this time it isn't that bad... just hoping to follow a line made by my dear friend.

This article is dedicated to the person who inspired this thought, the person who has taught me a lot, the person I am sure has inspired a lot many more people around her... Mrudula. Thanking her...
There are lots to write about her... may be some time later.

--buddi
0245
18 - 03 - 2008

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I just wish another Good Boy!!

I wish just another Good Boy!!

Some people make me feel big,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel sick,
you aren't one of them,
some people make me feel...

You aren't among any of those...
you are the one for whom I have nothing...
not a card, not a book, not a pen...
you are the person who has questions for me...
you are one with countless smiles
you are the energy in this piece of writing

May the joy and the smile live on
may the heart share some more smile to people around
just some more!!

If people say there is no end to selfishness,
then let there be no end.
After all what did I have for this friend of mine...
just a few more words from a dying soul
just a few words??
just wishing to do better...
just wishing that I had something more...
just wishing that I spend more time with him
just wishing...

JUST WISHING you success in all your future endeavours.
just wishing to be of some help to you...
I just wish another Good Boy!!

--buddi
0215
11 - 03 - 2008


This piece is dedicated to AMOEBA and the innumerable smiles he has brought out in my life...

Friday, March 7, 2008

Victory... What does it mean for us?

Yesterday had been a different day... a day of little success. It has been a day of little known failure for many of our team-mates. People went back to question their own ideas, their own work, but how relevant was it to the context is a question better answered by themselves. People tend to act normal, but people tend to like to move alone.

For the first time in life I really happened to be on the other side of the wall, first time I tried to pacify some one in "my" team. I knew how they felt, though I wasn't really able to tell them how bad I was feeling, though I knew I was over doing everything I tried, I kept trying. As time passed by people seemed to be getting back to normal but the whole environment was different, an unlike our-team environment. First time may be I was feeling the itch of being in a team, I had always preferred to be alone. Now, what is that really natters to me -
an institutional recognition to the idea which the team attached so much importance to, or, the 45 wonderful day the team had provided me. Those have been days of accomplishments, those have been days of modest victories. Robert Frost was right in saying - Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. May be it is the other way for the team.

I have always been a person with few accomplishments but more happiness in life. My failures never cost me much, may be a day or two's sleep. My incapability to make the people around me realise that this success never really mattered has been really killing me. This seems to be a bigger defeat than losing out in some competition. For the first time in life you seem to be involved with a team, you attach so much importance to it, you celebrate every moment in its presence and one day you realise that every moment you thought you achieved you never did. It is just a pack of cards falling apart. My unimaginably bright and happy days just came to an end. This is more painful. The "team"... I have failed to be a part of it, may be not my cup of tea but still I want to give one last try...

"Well I have made complaints to many people.. "I am never at the right place.... This is not the right place for me..." But here I am today seeing things in a much different way. Well i was at the right place most of the times... just a few things went wrong and life seems to have become miserable... we are almost never ready to accept that we enjoy as much as success as anyone else... but success really matters when it is hard-earned.. then it tastes sweet to you... failure on the other hand is the other way.. every undeserving failure brings along with it a bag full of hope and energy to work on...

All that matters is not the place where you are.. it is the work you put in to make the surroundings look more pleasing to you... You will enjoy the same success even without those efforts but your success will come and will pass by and even you won't realise that... nothing that adds to your joy...

All that you put in is to satisfy your egoistic needs..

given the place you are in now you can do two things.. put in some work to turn things your way or put in some more work to dig out your success which went on even without you realizing it..."

Just hoping that I never will have to work alone again... Just hoping that I never bid a GOOD BYE to the team which gave me those few yet innumerable memorable days in IIT... Just hoping...

--buddi
0745
07 - 03 - 2008

Few lines have been directly picked from my entry named 'Being at the wrong place'... just couldn't do it even the last time...

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The butterfly effect


there is pleasure in being unorganized…
there is efficiency popping up from no-where…
there is synergy that is working magic…
then why??

we are supposed to move ahead…
does that mean that we build our tomorrow..
are we losing today in the run?
why don’t we realize that tomorrow - we are one day closer to our end…
our muscles turning weaker… few more brain-runs making more of ourself giving up…

we are going to work lesser tomorrow…
are we going to see our comfort when we grow old.. and do nothing today
or, are we going to work hard today and leave it for our next generations to take care of us and our work…

order comes from work…
order comes from culture…
order comes from members…
order comes from your heart… not from a set of rules being put in

for me a world of unanswered questions would be much better than a world of only answers and responsibilities… and the day I don’t see a question is my end…



PS: This doesn't quite fit in into this blog, but this was one stand I took... this does mean quite a bit for me

--buddi
0651
06 - 03 - 2008

Monday, March 3, 2008

A Dream... A day-out




Just as my eyelids close off at the end of a trip to ”just another” beach,

I realized that I was caught up in the eye of a storm of memories to carry ahead…

A living starts there,
The moment I see it,
I am lost dreaming,
I can feel it…
the strong-wind breaking up on me,
my hair reacting to these winds,
the sunlight showing up gently on me,
the water coming with all its might but unable to reach me,
the cool, wet sand inviting a dive…
I was there,
I was lost…

But only later I found,
I wasn’t alone,
castles were being built,
tunnels were being dug,
balls were being covered up,
life was still on,
life was being discussed,
life was being lived,
everywhere around me,
and how did I miss to be a part of this!

then came the time for the plunge,
a plunge into arguments,
a plunge into interactions,
a plunge into laughter,
a plunge into fun…
but then the end came…

it was a dream,
a phone call from home at 6am,
but I was a quick learner,
it just wasn’t another trip,
it just wasn’t another day,
back-breaking loads of memories to be carried over,
I just wish these days never come to an end!!

buddi
1349
03 - 03 - 2008



And as always.. my CAMOPHOBIA continues..

Saturday, March 1, 2008

She will be loved

Here is one of my favorite songs... not a very popular one.
The lyrics are so touching, definitely worth a read.

May be someday, I will sing this for some one...


MAROON 5 LYRICS

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Where do we stand??


“Tomorrows come,
Yesterdays go,

Promises come,
Accomplishments stay,

People come,
Members stay,

People die,
Good Work stays…

Take a stand today”

In this world of interpretations… in this world of clever people… in this world of carelessness.. it is a tough job to put across a point. When people tend to ski across the “serene” snow but fail to realize that they are standing on a frozen pond, rarely do you get to see the reality. Think different!

Not every time do you get a chance to enjoy,

not every time do you get a chance to claim your work,

not every time do you get a chance to prove you worth,

not every time do you get a chance to win for someone else,

Today could be your last, today could be their last… just don’t think, there is someone waiting with open arms in the darkness ahead… be capable to see that. Sometimes it does take a quite a bit to live in light. which one do you think is better.. “increasing the light around you so much that you go blind” or “sharing light and staying in a dull and yet a loved place“. Where are we going next?

this is just another stand..

buddi
1227
01 - 03 - 2008

Monday, February 18, 2008

Whats the fun in being a cynic?




What is the fun in being a cynic? Not many have asked me this but I guess many would be wondering, after few of their bitter encounters with me. "But why" is a big question to be answered!

Some have attached me with the negative responses so deeply that they went ahead calling it Praveen's TM... that leaves me a lot confused. Is this what I was looking for? Well, looking at the story from side it is actually irritating to be named critic, cynic, carper, adverse... People got it wrong, I got it wrong.

After the destructive work I have done to myself, now there is no looking back. But, I can assure people one thing - there was some intention behind making a fool out of myself...

Some time back, I made a few promises to my favorite lecturer. I never forgot my promise but I never kept my word. It was always - "I will do it tomorrow". It went on for almost 2 years. Then one day when I woke up I got the news that he was no more... Since that day the guilt that I couldn't keep my word has been pinching me... there was nothing I could do, all was over. I was late, I hated myself for this reason. It was then that I decided that I will do justice to every promise I make.

As a member of GRID & IViL I promised myself that I will strive to do whatever I can to help in the rural development. I had to live upto promises I made to myself. Today, I usually take the critic's side just to ensure that anything that we do suceeds... at least there shouldn't be anything half-hearted...

But, was I doing it constructively??

I don't know... what is the point in being the blockade in every move made by the team?
May be I should stop... May be I should leave it to the discretion of the team to decide what is right or wrong... May be I should play the role of a humble volunteer doing jobs indicated by the team... What is the point in acting? What is the point in killing my reality??

Better play it safe...

--buddi
0028
18 - 2 - 2008

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What You Know...

In a classroom...
You may not know the date,
You may not know which lesson is going on,
You may not know the person sitting next to you,
You may not know the person teaching you,
You may not know the meaning of a word,
You may not know how to solve a problem,
You may not know when your exam is,
You may not know whether you are going to pass,
You may not know...

But you always know one thing,
You know yourself,
Just be you... the special one


--buddi
07 - 02 - 2008
0841

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The WALDEN


FROM WALDEN
by HENRY DAVID THOREAU

"WHERE I LIVED, & WHAT I LIVED FOR"

When first I took up my abode in the woods, that is, began to spend my nights as well as days there, which, by accident, was on Independence Day, or the fourth of July, 1845, my house was not finished for winter, but was merely a defense against the rain, without plastering or chimney, the walls being of rough weather-stained boards, with wide chinks, which made it cool at night. The upright white hewn studs and freshly planed door and window casings gave it a clean and airy look, especially in the morning, when its timbers were saturated with dew, so that I fancied that by noon some sweet gum would exude from them….

I was seated by the shore of a small pond, about a mile and a half south of the village of Concord and somewhat higher than it, in the midst of an extensive wood between that town and Lincoln, and about two miles south of that our only field known to fame, Concord Battle Ground; but I was so low in the woods that the opposite shore, half a mile off, like the rest , covered with wood, was my most distant horizon. For the first week, whenever I looked out on the pond it impressed me like a tarn high up on the side of a mountain, its bottom far above the surface of other lakes, and, as the sun arose, I saw it throwing off its nightly clothing of mist, and here and there, by degrees, its soft ripples or its smooth reflecting surface was revealed, while the mists, like ghosts, were stealthily withdrawing in every direction into the woods, as at the breaking up of some nocturnal conventicle. The very dew seemed to hang upon the trees later into the day than usual, as on the sides of mountains….

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartanlike as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and to be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to “glorify God and enjoy him forever.”

Still we live meanly, like ants, though the fable tells us that we were long ago changed into men; like pygmies we fight with cranes; it is error upon error, and clout upon clout, and our best virtue has for its occasion a superfluous and evitable wretchedness. Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand, instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumbnail. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the cloud and storms and quicksands and thousand and one items to be allowed for, that a man has to live, if he would not founder and go to the bottom and not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great calculator indeed who succeeds. Simplify, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion…

Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life? We are determined to be starved before we are hungry. Men say that a stitch in time saves nine, and so they take a thousand stitches today to save nine tomorrow. As for work, we haven’t any of any consequence….

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. The intellect is a cleaver; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet. I feel all my best faculties concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and forepaws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills. I think that the richest vein is somewhere hereabouts; so by the divining rod and thin rising vapors I judge; and here I will begin to mine.

from Solitude

Men frequently say to me, “I should think you would feel lonesome down there, and want to be nearer to folks, rainy and snowy days and nights especially.” I am tempted to reply to such, This whole earth which we inhabit is but a point of space. How far apart, think you, dwell the two most distant inhabitants of yonder star, the breadth of whose disk cannot be appreciated by our instruments? Why should I feel lonely? Is not our planet in the Milky Way? This which you put seems to me not to be the most important question. What sort of space is that which separates a man from his fellows and makes him solitary? I have found that no exertion of the legs can bring two minds much nearer to one another.

from The Pond in Winter

Every winter the liquid and trembling surface of the pond, which was so sensitive to every breath, and reflected every light and shadow, becomes solid to the depth of a foot or a foot and a half, so that it will support the heaviest teams, and perchance the snow covers it to an equal depth, and it is not to be distinguished from any level field. Like the marmots in the surrounding hills, it closes it eyelids and becomes dormant for three months or more. Standing on the snow-covered plain, as if in a pasture amid the hills, I cut my way first through a foot of snow, and then a foot of ice, and open a window under my feet, where, kneeling to drink, I look down in to the quiet parlor of the fishes, pervaded by a softened light as through a window of ground glass, with its bright sanded floor the same as in summer; there a perennial waveless serenity reigns as in the amber twilight sky, corresponding to the cool and even temperament of the inhabitants. Heaven is under our feet as well as over heads.

from Spring

One attraction in coming to the woods to live was that I should have leisure and opportunity to see the Spring come in. The ice in the pond at length begins to be honeycombed, and I can set my heel in it as I walk. Fogs and rains and warmer suns are gradually melting the snow; the days have grown sensibly longer; and I see how I shall get through the winter without adding to my woodpile, for large fires are no longer necessary. I am on the alert for the first signs of spring, to hear the chance not of some arriving bird, or the striped squirrel’s chirp, for his stores must be now nearly exhausted, or see the woodchuck venture out of his winter quarters….

…The change from storm and winter to serene and mild weather, from dark and sluggish hours to bright and elastic ones, is a memorable crisis which all things proclaim. It is seemingly instantaneous at last. Suddenly an influx of light filled my house, though the evening was at hand, and the clouds of winter still overhung it, and the eaves were dripping with sleety rain. I looked out the window and lo! where yesterday was cold gray ice there lay the transparent pond already calm and full of hope as in a summer evening, reflecting a summer evening sky in its bosom, though none was visible overhead, as if it had intelligence with some remote horizon.

from Conclusion

I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear, that others may have fallen into it, and so helped to keep it open. The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by the feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. How worn and dusty, then, must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them….

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

They do...




They make me live
They make me wait for death
They show reason in survival
They show the nearing end

They keep haunting me
they keep encouraging me
they keep me occupied
they make me jobless
they make me think
they make me run away
they make me love
they make me hate
they make me proud
they make me ashamed

they made what I am
they make what I will be
they made what was
they make what is coming

what are they?

Memories... Memories make you what you are...
But why do I need them?

may be to remind me of the innumerable promises I made to myself and people around me, to remind me of the many relishing moments I had, to remind me of the bitter incidents in life...

After referring to them countless number of times and after many many sleepless nights thinking of my accomplishments and my failures, it is back to the same old story - What next?

It is easy to be acting as the careless guy but I am sure everyone has the other side, the part which truly speaks for them. It is this part of us that allows ourselves to look into a mirror and shows what we really are. But my part of story leads me nowhere...

A few accomplishments set the pace for the rest of my life, but much to my dissatisfaction... sometimes expectations overtake your real capabilities and you lose your identity some where in the race to be one among the crowd. Very few of my mentors ever realised that I am interested in something else, I like doing things differently (may not be the best), I do things at my own pace and what not...

My "incompetence" and "lack of commitment" have shown up again yesterday... failure to live up to the deadlines which I have agreed upon... but do they really mean that... may be / may not be... I have my own reasons for being late... there are things which I would have done better given more time, all that I need is interest...

Sometimes memories haunt me... I lost count of the incidents in which I had to confess my mistakes. Even today I don't have the courage to go and accept my fault. These are the things that make me feel ashamed and long for my end. I know it is not very far away... may the remaining days bring in some "life" in to my story...

Lots to write but this is not the place I want to do that...

--buddi
0521
02 - 02 - 2008

Monday, January 28, 2008

IViL Culture


The following is a light-hearted review of what has been going on IViL from the CARPER. Take it easy...

(1) The RULERS - the two professors who are supposed to be the rulers of this sleeping nation - but they are disturbed while they are asleep once in a while by the Daily Wagers & Armed Forces...

(2) The HIGH BP guys - Guys like Satheesh, Sabapathy and of course the CARPER have been cribbing about the progress in work. Satheesh has learnt using tablets and has got used to the slow pace. Sabapathy other hand is trying to run behind people and make them work. CARPER has lost all hope and shouts at anyone who is showing interest.

(3) The DAILY WAGE guys / DOCTORS - Robo, Swapnil, Srinath and the one and only VIKAS - the four wheels of the "IViL chariot" - they are the most hard-working people of the group, usually end up doing things which no one else would do - they carry the burden of 500 (if not more) sleepy "patriots" and still manage to turn the wheels and help the HIGH BP walas to live a bit longer...

(4) The ARMED FORCES - Amoeba (Pradeep), Ayush, Mudit, Swathi, Mrudula, Vinay, Anil, Anusha - they are the ones who prevent the group from humiliation, often doing work that goes unnoticed they are among the ones who are often taken to task by the HIGH BPs - they may be good at defending the group but not at defending themselves...

(5) The ABOLISHED - rest of the group - they have been termed the abolished by the CARPER for not having done anything that was directly relevant to his work (there could be a few who belong to the ARMED FORCES) - they are the ones who are best at defending themselves but fail to live for the group - they make up the "public face" of the group - slumber is their game...

If you feel you belong to another group defend yourself...

THE CARPER
2100
28-01-2008

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

When you know you are late...



To Praveen,

SUB: When you know you are late...

For about seven years, I have felt the presence in every single activity...
perfect, exhaustive, crystal-clear, exploratory, unique, outside the box.. the list goes on. The belief was that the only end could be when you know you have exhausted all the vocabulary, but the end did arrive and in a rather unpleasant way.
On a Sunday morning I wake up only to learn that the end has come, much to the disbelief and shock of thousands of other devotees. It didn't take me too long to realize that I was late. I was late in realizing that I had thrown away chances that came my way, I was late in realizing that I could never buy back those invaluable minutes, I was late in realizing that I was wrong all the way...

The memories of my first Google Search, my first Olympiad paper, my success, my stupidest doubts, my favorite book, racks over flooded with books, the television, the white board.. many many of them... I thought they were all mine. Only after the source departed, I realized that they were never mine. They were bestowed over me along with thousands of others. But alas, I could only see all these diffusing into air in a flash and there was nothing I could do.. may be clinch my fists in desperation and cry over helplessness.

When you know you are late... when you know you can't get back these valuables... all that you can do is learn. Learn to be alert, learn to live for people, learn to utilize every opportunity that comes your way, learn to take the initiative, learn to keep learning... after all, "the best" you had did teach you this before anyone else..

Yourself
buddi