I like it but I don't want it

Ravi is a 7th grade student in a reputed school and has been asked to do a project work on freedom fighters by his social science teacher. He has to read and write about 2 freedom fighters, attach relevant photographs and then give a talk in the class. For him it was a daunting task.

As he sat at his table pondering over what could be done, his father comes over and asks him, "Whats wrong?"

"I have a project work on freedom fighters. Don't know what to do!"

"Who are freedom fighters you have selected?"

"Unable to decide. I want to take someone about whom I can get maximum information."

"That is not the way you should select.. Select one who inspires you most. I will help you in the work". Ravi smiles, the reassuring pat from his father had boosted his confidence.

"Should I select Chandrashekar Azad and Bhagat Singh?"

"Both are revolutionaries... How about selecting one who believed in non-violence?"

"But I like them the most along with Subash Chandra Bose, Alluri Sitaramaraju, Rajguru."

Ravi was a bit hurt that his father wasn't giving the full freedom. Ravi's father wasn't surprised at the choices,"I like the revolutionaries!" he himself had told all his friends and teachers in his student days.

As he smiled, he said, "How about Bhagat Singh and Chandrashekar Azad?"

"Ya.. those are the ones I told"

"In alphabetical order... " They laughed and the work began. The following days were memorable for the both as they shared the stories they had read about the revolutionaries - how they fought, what they sacrificed, how they were respected and many more. The project work was a time which changed Ravi. He now felt more responsible for his country now and sang the nathional anthem with pride. He no longer questioned why he should be standing in attention while he sang.

About 10 years later...

Ravi is sitting at the same table. He has his 7th grade project in front of him. It had been one of his most valued items all these years. The memories almost moved him to tears. He was still inspired by the same leaders. Ravi was in the final year of his MBBS. He was going to be a doctor. He had finally found an answer for his quest for a direction in life.. he wanted to join the armed forces.

His interest didnot impress his parents. In the days following his announcement, Ravi had to face a lot of heat from his parents. There were few lines he just couldn't forget -

"We didn't spend so much money for that!"

"We have made so many sacrifices to see you at this stage"

"What sort of a person are you? The whole world is moving in one direction and you say you want to go against it! There should be equal importance for interest and money."

"Nothing is going to happen in this country. Why do you want to waste your life on that?"

Days passed and Ravi was lost. He was unable to decide between what he wanted to do and what his parents wanted him to. The confusion led him to think about what his father had told him ten years ago..

"That is not the way you should select.. Select one who inspires you most." Was he mistaken? Was choosing a topic for a project different from choosing what to do in life?

"Why does my father like freedom fighters and still not let me try to do something like them?"

Deep questions to be answered...

I like it but I don't want it

There is always a conflict in what we like and what we want. The above story was an illustration of the struggle that goes on in eveyone's life. Smaller than this and at times larger.. Why?

I don't have an answer. This is something for all of us to think about... wouldn't life be more 'rewarding' and lively when we do what we like (with a bit of sanity). WE LIKE SPICE but WE WANT SUGAR! It would be too harsh to call it hypocrisy but most times we all are. We hardly care about what a person on the other side feels about the same.

A sad example for this are the sales representatives. I feel sorry for them, they work really hard - walking around in the sun, talking and convincing us, answer irrelevant questions and above all explain things with a smiling face. (I mean.. who would look at our uninteresting and uninterested face and keep smiling). This surely is one of the toughest job.

Does a customer care about how the sales fellow feels, does a father care about how the son feels, does a teacher care about how the student feels, do I care about how you feel? May be it is the time to start thinking, make sensible decisions and respect other choices.

--buddi

"To support my family I have to do this job. I don't like this but what to do..."

Non-sense! Don't you like supporting your family? Is it not your interest?

This article is a compilation of my thoughts based on my interactions with parents. Everyone likes APJ, Sachin Tendulkar, Vivekananda, Gandhi, Kalpana Chawla, Tagore, Gates, Che Guevara and so on, but they don't want their children to be like that. There is a lot of "risk". Are we "safe" otherwise?

Why I chose to be what I want to be

There are several people who keep asking me questions like.. Why did you join the development sector? Why did you want to become a teacher? Why did you start GRID? Why did you quit IViL? Why did you join SVYM? Why do you take classes at ABS? Why did you choose nuclear physics? Why did you drop nuclear physics for neuroscience? And the best of all.. Why are you ruining your career at SVYM?

"Just trying out different things!"

And suddenly in most cases there would be an expression of shock or giving up on me. Most of the times I don't have convincing answers. However, it is an interesting exercise to look back and think of why I chose to be what I wanted to be (Sometimes / Many times what we want to be is different from what we choose to be). This is my search for those answers and a look into if I still do it.

Why I chose to be a teacher & my experiences..

My first assignment as a teacher was to spend some time with the students of 7th class on weekends and get some pocket money. The first few days of my class were mechanical - a presentation (given to me by my employer), few students and a blackboard. As the students changed and as I got used to the "drill" I started realizing that in the name of a foundation programme (for competitive exams :P), parents were being cheated and students were being tortured. I never really understood, why parents wanted to pain their children with these classes on weekends.

To answer my conscience, I had broken off from the traditional way and started discussing rather than lecturing. Things suddenly looked changed, the kids were more active and interactive and I was sure they learnt more this way. Very soon, I stopped using the presentations and discussions.. we got into a story telling mode. 5 of us, sit in a circle and tell something that was related to that day's theme. We used to have two sessions of 1.5hrs each and in between there was a round of badminton. We all used to enjoy it! The kids suddenly had so many things to tell me. I learnt one of the first lessons as a teacher - students have so much to say, we just need to give them a chance.

I did have to bear the heat from my employer and I was forced out but I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't want to step outside the class and say "My class in over"... I wanted to be a mentor. I had envied many of my teachers and tried imitating them. That is what being a teacher is more about - not just teach science or social but being a role-model in every sense. The dressing, body language, language, behavior is all looked at very closely by our students, I was learning all of these. As I started enjoying it more, there were more issues troubling me and I set out to change at least a few. I started talking to teachers and wanted to change the way few things were being done. Hit road-blocks at most places!

In my quest to understand more, I began to teach several age groups... those in the age group of late 20s to 6th standard kids. It was a very different experience, learnt new things. Students tend get more conscious about their surroundings and neighbors with age, even getting a doubt clarified would become very difficult. Unknowingly I had started observing the psychology of the students - changes in it and the external influences. It was interesting to note how a child's thought process changes.. my first case study was myself, how small and seemingly unimportant things change our attitude towards life. It was nice to come up with a chronological order of events and relate to how they brought about the crests and troughs. This became one of the motivations for me to take a class to the ground and then observe the students - how they play, how they get involved, how they interact and so on. With a better understanding of the kids we would be in a position to relate better.

From being a teacher, there was a stage when I wanted to teach teachers how to teach. I just didn't say this to any teacher but that was what I meant.. I was sick of the tiring and quiet lectures. I was hated at most places, people started feeling insecure! I have neither had the qualification and experience to be a teacher nor did I read any books. I was questioned repeatedly. I am grateful to SVYM for having had faith in me.

Still the compound walls exist, most times wherever I go, people think I am more of an intrusion. I don't believe in bribing students with stars on the conduct chart, I want to be a 'teacher' not a maths/science textbook interpreter, I have to close eyes in the assembly for the kid to learn from me rather than keep a watch on them and punish whoever doesn't do it, I have to respect every high school student to make them respect each other, I have to leave behind my ego or other personal issues to work with the entire team to create a better environment for the kids to learn, I am sure none of these makes me a bad teacher and I hope I can be accepted as a fellow teacher or want-to-be-teacher. I no longer try to preach to teachers, that was a failed experiment. It is an emotionally more satisfying exercise to work with students than teachers!

The talks on "Brain & Psychology" and "Research in education" which I gave at VTTRC (Thanks to P Mahesh, Principal, VTTRC) have been my most memorable moments as a teacher. They were entirely based on my experiences as a teacher, giving examples of students I had observed. Though they would have been unorthodox, I can now proudly say I can talk for 3 hours on what I learnt from my experiences. Every place I go to - students are different, cultures are different. It is as if I am starting all over again. The journey goes on... I still WANT TO BE A TEACHER.

--buddi

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18 - 06 - 2010

PS: I have always avoided taking classes and feel uncomfortable if I have to in the Primary School, as it takes a teacher to be of high morals to teach and shape the minds. And I am surely not of the high morals.

"I guess I would need only 194mg of the paracetamol"

Kabani had fever and cold since morning. She was aware that there was no definite cure for that. Kabani had once committed herself to finding an answer for this, but still had a long way to go. Her mother accompanied her to the hospital. As they waited before the cabin of the physician, she asked her mother, “Am I too old for a pediatrician?”.

Her mother's reply was a gentle smile followed by, “ssshhhhh!”

Kabani was waiting for her name to be called out. It was a long wait in the Out Patient Department of the hospital. She was going through the posters put up on the walls of the corridor.

“So many of them! The world is still an unhealthy place...”, she thought. Some had meaningful and useful information with interesting slogans, while others had horrifying photographs of people suffering described using some scientific terms. Kabani was happy she understood most of them.

“Thanks to the school library.”

The place she was living in had been deprived of primary health and education for quite a while, but its a different place now. Kabani was among the many high school students who benefited from the health centre and school library set up by the community.

********************

The doctor was quick in what he did. He scribbled a few names on the sheet. “My hand-writing is better than his!” Kabani told her mother with a sense of achievement. Suddenly, she felt greater than the doctor. She was asked to take cetrizine and 250mg of paracetamol after every meal.

Kabani had reservations with the prescription, “Oh, this cetrizine is going to make me sleep now. Doctor, I guess I would need only 194mg of the paracetamol!”

The doctor knew what exactly she was talking about, he smiled.

“Unfortunately, we still don't get tablets having 194mg of that!”

*******************

That is the world I would like to see in a few years -

A girl child, in the countryside (no longer "remote"), is educated and is interested in doing research and fighting diseases. She has access to primary health facilities and doesn't hesitate to ask questions.

Even the medical system has improved. Each patient is different and the medicines have to be prescribed as per their exact requirements (having some computational models to give an exact estimate of how much of the drug is needed). Too much of a pain now but may be in the next few years it could be possible. Deep understanding of how our body functions (esp. brain) would be possible. Through dissection we can understand our heart but not our brain!

--buddi

PS: Slightly broken up thoughts, hope they make sense.

Tired.. Some don't know that!

Tired...

@ 11:50 pm, I just returned from the Dr. Ananth's office. Preparations are fully on the Parliamentary Standing Committee's Study Tour to SVYM. Making some posters for the various activities for the tribals... branded as the "Poster Boy"!

Today was a nice day, got a chance to meet Dr.Balu... finally! I had been longing to meet him for long... almost 2 years I guess. Though have been in constant touch with him through mails, a face-to-face meeting is always special. No person other than Mr. N G Bhat has ever inspired me more than Dr.Balu. He is a source of energy... “We can do it, We should do it!” Obviously, we have to be really hard-wired to say a NO. I asked him today, how he found time for everything.. his answer was simple... “I have the same 24hrs.. interest..” don't remember the exact line. He was correct, it was just a matter of how we wanted to use it and may be how badly we wanted to do something.

I just got my dose of energy, will take it from there... Looking forward for working with Dr.Balu.

Good night!

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