" i am normally abnormal "

rohit... touching the void..
or purri as we call him.. is one of his kind..
an ever smiling creature... totally fun-loving guy... great football player and a diehard Arsenal and Henry fan... i am very sure he celebrates Arsenal's victories more grandly than Wenger

when ever i think of him.. i remember... firstly Henry, then his peculiar laugh (his identity card), his cycle, his social studies answers, his football with which we play, his left-footed shots and tackles, his single room.. bathroom without lock, his orkut one-liners, the glass of rum+sprite which he shared with me, prince of Persia game, his comp which doesn't start easily, his father's scoldings in his words, yashwant and their bike accident story, his "tution point" stories, ... and most importantly his late night meetings, movies, parties with idli, uppi, abhi and others (i feel jealous for this)... these are things defining this guy..

always tender at heart.. it feels great to be with him...


purri i miss you ra.. (4/29/2007)





If that was for orkut... now this is for the blogspot...




"Rohit"... that was how it started... then in class VIII in history chapter we read that priests were called "purohits" in the down south over a 1000yrs back... then it became a much shorter and even more easier to pronounce "purri"...

well this guy moved to our class from the 'A' section (the dirty and premature section to say the least) to ours in VI... later he teamed up with the ever smiling PP (yet another import from yet another shady section)... they usually kept things to themselves... during the Dark Ages (until the turn of the millennium)... then it was the renaissance which changed things for us...
they hung around the "the GOD of Small Jokes" Sastry and his partner Ramuk Yaniv (read the name in the reverse)... the reason being simple Purri loved chuckling - "the shreaking laughter" for which he is known... another reason could being a part of the same football team... they were all part of the minnows (LB & SM)...

Well we have had enough of his surroundings... now to his body... this guy never had anything enviable in his physique... but he had one (if you choose to believe... its two) the thing which was really big... his brain (the second... his heart)... if someone has seen his play they would consider his legs too (esp. left) which turn and turn and turn... but football was never my sport... ok, forget that for a moment... Back to Square One...

I guess the brain has 100 billion neurons... purri has got over 12 billion of them running (number is big enough to crack something special)... he never wasted them on remembering the forgettable social chapters... he proved his intellect in solving those maths problems and explaining them to me... the best footballing brain I have ever seen...
he has some much space in his brain for his feelings for friends... he shows so much concern and attachment for them... I feel he respects his friends' ambitions a lot... he never minded spending time with friends at the cost of getting some preachings back home... personally I missed most of chances of being with him but I was told about these stories (they aren't just stories... they are something more)... 

he is a person you wouldn't mind troubling or cracking jokes on... 

the best football session attendance on records... the best solo-goals ever scored on the school grounds... are his credentials... off late he has proved to be a great critic and commentator of the European Football... salutes to his excellent memory and keen observation in this matter... he could well be a perfect business consultant for those big players in the championships...

He is usually plagued by the feeling of underestimating himself... he needs a few brain-washing sessions in this regard...






yet to be completed...

there is so much more to be told about him but I sign off here... may be some other time.

I am always there...

A TRIBUTE

I have known him for over 10 years... not the longest of times but its still half my life...
he means the most to me... in fact more than my parents or anyone else...
this person is the most precious gift I could have ever had... I just can't ask for anything more... he has been my best teacher…

though we had a rough start... time passed by and here we are…

Today I feel no one knows him better than me… and of course vice-versa… his mind is the best blend of anything good one would have wished to have...

I was the first victim of his enormous mental strength… was too good in academics in our school days… now there are other things in which he is interested but still manages to pull off a decent score in exams… What ever he does it is with utmost clinical precision, concentration and perfection…

In sports I was jealous of him… the commitment he showed even in friendly cricket matches was just unimaginable…I still remember once such instance… I often happened to play against him and I batted very well in one match and he was one of the bowlers to get the stick… in the next match he got me out for a duck… he acted as if he finally got the revenge for which he was waiting for a 100 yrs… he came up to me and thumped his fists and yelled “YES! YES! YES!”… I felt he would have stabbed me if he had any access to a knife… That scene still lies fresh in my mind…

one who watches movies not for entertainment but to understand the inner meaning of everything… he taught me how a movie could be 2hours of life… his selection of movies arguably the best… dead poets society, Amadeus, one flew over the cuckoo’s nest, Shawshank redemption, Philadelphia, the departed… I can say no one has understood these movies better than him… he explained me what the following meant “Keating’s carpe diem”, “Andy’s hope”, “Red’s birds with bright wings”, “Salieri’s confession”, “Andrew’s small mistakes”... today they are my driving forces… the very source of energy that keeps me going...

What ever I do these days… I talk to him first then take a decision… one who has always supported me and many times explained things to me… only one in my life so far who agrees that life is more of modest achievements and satisfaction than earning money… I have never heard a NO from him… always takes a step forward and says I am there in case you want any help… this very assurance often gave me loads of confidence…

This was actually meant to be a testimonial... but I wanted to tell you so much that… I have lots of feelings but I have been unable to express those… so far never really thanked him for all these… I won’t miss this opportunity… THANKS...UDAY… you have been the one defining everything people see in me today… THANKS once again… hope you reach great heights in future… finally your line... I am always there for you...

buddi
Sunday May 20, 2007

being at the wrong place...

Well this article was always on the list..... it was just a matter of time... when it had to come

Being at the wrong place... it feels great..


Was i joking?? may be or may be not.. its all about your attitude...

it happened so many times... I felt I was lonely.. I was doing (infact I felt I was being forced to do) the wrong things but couldn't help myself... I was looking for some one to support me... all that i wanted was sympathy... I felt so helpless that i used to cry and later laugh at my helplessness...

well those were my learning days.. all those have made me a bit more wiser... a bit more of a philosopher's writing...

Well I have made complaints to many people.. "I am never at the right place.... This is not the right place for me..." But here I am today seeing things in a much different way. Well i was at the right place most of the times... just a few things went wrong and life seems to have become miserable...
God gives everything in a very balanced way... its just which part you enjoy more... there is nothing like being lucky... in your case you are often looking at things that went wrong and you claim I AM ALWAYS UNLUCKY.. in the case of your friend the only thing visible to you is their success and hence the line.. HE IS LUCKY..
we are almost never ready to accept that we enjoy as much as success as anyone else... but success really matters when it is hard-earned.. then it tastes sweet to you... failure on the other hand is the other way.. every undeserving failure brings along with it a bag full of hope and energy to work on...
All that matters is not the place where you are.. it is the work you put in to make the surroundings look more pleasing to you... You will enjoy the same success even without those efforts but your success will come and will pass by and even you won't realise that... nothing that adds to your joy...
All that you put in is to satisfy your egoistic needs.. to feel 'ESTEEM' ..
given the place you are in now you can do two things.. put in some work to turn things your way or put in some more work to dig out your success which went on even without you realising it...


Happiness is not a destination, it is a method of life - Burton Hills


buddi
Saturday May 5, 2007

childhood...

CHILDHOOD...

Gone are those days...
when you were shameless
when you were tender at heart
when you were mischievous
when you never cheated
when you never hurt people verbally
when you believed blindly in friendship
when you followed advices
when you shared everything with friends
when you used to sind the national anthem with pride...

but now,
you are a person.. more concerned about yourself, who has started losing trust in everyone...

you are now arrogant, adamant, careless,.... (to be filled up by you)


TRY TO CHANGE...

"Always be young at your heart" - Raghuram Sir


buddi
Thursday April 19, 2007

How can people be so passive to my mails?

well the simplest of reasons is that i write really long mails... Long in both senses... paragraphs of useless and uninformative matter and secondly, fully written words which make things unattractive and too much routine...

in a world which feels it is tiring to type "you" and prefer a single letter "u"... my mails don't deserve a place!!!

Well people would advice me "change is necessary", OK.. I agree ... but change in what sense???

How much time do you save in going for such substitutions?? may be a couple of seconds if you are writing a 100-letters mail. 2 seconds... I think you can't even take a sip of coffee in that time...

What are you running for???

Mails, letters are means of expressing your feelings... you can't cut short your feelings. And I bet on this.. it is true atleast in the case of anger..

Mind you... things change... everything that can be physically felt appears different to eyes.. but what doesn't change is what you can't see... feelings... affection, love, sentiments, passion... these are the things which you are alive for...

Change... change with people around you but not at the cost of the very things which keep you alive...


After all this.. you need not read my mails... or infact anyone's mails for that fact... atleast try to realise that they have spent some time wrting those... they have felt that you were the most important for them atleast for those few minutes they spend in writing it... Believe me they are the ones who celebrate your success.. they are ones who mourn along with you... You do have the responsibility of atleast showing some gratitude to them... A single-letter 'K' could do the job for you if not a pain-staking double-lettered 'OK'....

buddi
Monday March 26, 2007

all it takes...

ALL IT TAKES...

'all it takes' is the punch line of which company?

This was the first question at the General quiz preliminary round, CVR College of Engineering ( 9^th March 2007). This was the question which troubled us most... we even had people asking us “ayyaaaaaa, you didn't know it? how come?”

I couldn't take it, all I could do was remain silent, I could see an immediate change of body language in Uday and Vijay (more explicit in his case). For a moment I remembered those days when we were a bit more warm-blooded.

Somehow that tag line hinged itself to my mind. It meant something... ALL IT TAKES... almost nothing I could think of right away. Finally, I made some sense out of it yesterday.

all it takes is mental strength, courage, emotion, hunger, obsession, determination, passion, pride, bravery, comittment, honour, ego, vanity, thrill, belief, dream, valour, perfection, persistence, killer instinct... and finally, according to Andy, perhaps the best of things HOPE.



How can we be so passive to a defeat, humiliation, a plunder of our self-respect ,... ? How can we be so patient in waiting for something more pleasing

We don't feel the pinch... do WE? neither are we interested in delivering one..

come on guys... its been a long time. Its been a long time since you proved you were worth something, something you were made for, something no one could dare doing...

Leave behind those moral stories that told you to respect to people around you. All it counts is where are you... the first or last (good bye to those podium finishes and those bloody console (ation) prizes). Open up.. rule the world, enjoy your opponents defeat, let them feel the pain...

All these years of my studies have taught me one thing at least (if not many!!)... how ever well you prepare, write exams... All that matters in the end is how much you scored... No one bothers about how you got those marks once you are out of the exam hall... you copy, you impress the teachers, you change answers after you get the papers... NOTHING matters... NOTHING. Today, I feel ashamed to write in my CV that i scored 82% in intermediate. I didn't copy, didn't by-heart anything, didn't impress teachers... I am not going to write all this in my CV...Its just that 82 that matters for people.

After writing this, I can see an emperor in the making...

In the dusty, hardly visible future

I see,

An emperor in the making,

An emperor who would never lose,

Some one for whom all that matters is the challenge,

Past no longer counts,

Its a never ending war

a War for pride and ego.

-- buddi


24th March, 2:55 am

Well the emperor could be me.

90 percentile days...

For the last 10 days I have been into something I always wanted to… but somehow I feel lost. I feel I am unable to give my best… as low as 50% of what I am capable of, with time and struggle I may get it to 70… BUT where is the remaining going….

I DON’T KNOW!!

Looking back into those days when I was above the 90 percentile mark (tenth and intermediate)… the days which I call “THE 90 PERCENTILE DAYS” … I feel I was a different person then. I was wasting time, playing and wondering if I was doing the right thing but still when I felt like studying (rarely though), I wanted to and I could give my best. I wanted to make people around me feel the punch in losing in my hands… then it was not just a matter of beating them but by how much margin I beat them. This may seem childish but seriously I wanted people to feel the pain… from my classmates to the lecturers… I didn’t care who it was. I enjoyed doing that. I never felt like studying maths but I was still behind lecturers showing them that I could always come up with something more logical and elegant. When it came to physics I wanted to be the best.

I was mentally very strong and committed then. Once I made my mind to get 40/40 in physics in a weekly EAMCET exam, but could manage only 38/40, losing 2 marks for blunders I couldn’t afford to make. I couldn’t sleep for a couple of nights after that just because I threw away a chance to get 40. It wasn’t mere liking I had for few things but it was passion for those… as if it were a life and death question.

No matter how rarely I showed my interest in studies, I feel I was at my very best.

It has been a different story all along for the last three semesters. I have been very passive to things around me. I got used to those boundary cases in my subjects (including physics), I got used to getting ill, I got used to bunking classes, I got used to my knee injury, I got used to my horrible room, I got used to the warnings from my parents, I got addicted to drinking coffee, I got addicted to play football (not any more), I rarely participate in any competition, I got used to the confusion all around me…

All I know now is that, even if I decide to do something, I am not going to complete it. Right now pondering over things takes away most of my time even while studying…

Today I know that if my project goes right till 22^nd January, I will get the opportunity to attend INPC 2007 at Tokyo. I also know that my father has ordered me to drop any idea of attending any conference or anything related to nuclear physics (reason: poor performance in the third semester).

How can I get to my best if I always have this duality in my mind?

I have got so used to defeats and humiliations that I don’t mind one more. May be that’s the way it has to go on. What difference does it make to lose in IIT or in nuclear physics when nothing can keep me busy and happy?

buddi
0920
30-12-2006

I am invincible...

Sitting on a shore, you feel…
“I am invincible”
you can see the waves trying to reach you….
but getting back defeated…..
The waves never die down in shame….
Why!! Why do they insist?
Who cares…
But some where in the back of my mind
I can hear bells ringing…
am I really invincible??
May be yes....perhaps no is a better answer…
bad memories keep pinching me…
and future!!...who knows…when a mighty wave
may come and just drown me…
Mind you…. every time a wave comes and returns….
it takes away some sand and grows higher….
One fine day it will be capable enough… to gulp you in
waves have the time….which you don’t
waves erase their old memories…which you don’t
waves persist…which you don’t
Then how do you think you are invincible?
Perhaps we could have been…..if only we were waves…
Why not at least try to be like them…..

Timings: written when at Besant Nagar beach…..07-10-2006 around 5:45am

life is too small to be wasted....

on the shore of my life……. I stand….
only to see a mighty sea eager to engulf me…….
all life I ran across the land…..
just to find that it ends……
no sweet memories…..
no beloved ones to help me….
no more energy to hang on…..
now I realize ……
I was wrong all along…..
believe me….
life is beautiful…..as it is……
blooming flowers, relishing fragrances…..
you, me, everyone we like….
life is too short….
by the time you realize….
you will be knocking doors of death….
live through your life…..
love people…..
enjoy…every moment
enjoy, enjoy and just enjoy…
who knows…………….
kal ho naa ho

buddi
written on: 13th September, 2006
inspired by the movie: kal ho naa ho