Monday, November 24, 2008

A Book of Knowledge


7. A Book of Knowledge

This one is going to be a special one...

This story dates back to my seventh class (98-99). It was an eventful year and it was the starter of the big feast that followed till the end of my schooling. I still remember the small class in the first floor of Ramakrishna Bhavan and those 3-seater benches. I used to sit in the second bench along with Upendra and Shiva. Upendra and myself were benchmates in school for almost 10yrs, right from the day he joined the school to our last day in school. He is a very very special friend of mine... I have loads and loads to tell about him and I fear this blog would never be enough.

Shiva was a new to our class. He was a different guy - never got along with our batch well, kept things to himself, hardly talked to people, struggled a bit in academics but hesitated to ask for help, was good at sports but not many knew that... It took quite a long time for us to become friends. There was something in this guy... the more I was getting closer to this guy, I was getting away from the rest of the batch. It was only in the next year that I realised that... after Shiva had left the school and suddenly I was running short of friends (but it wasn't for too long...)

By the time we started going around together it was already December, time for the Christmas vacation! It was a long boring one for me and I am sure everyone in our class had felt the same. January 2nd of 1999 was a good day!! We were back in school talking to each other how we spent our holidays, no one had any big stories and very soon we were back into the routine - classes, games period, art.. going to Shiva's home... trying to study there for some time. Upendra, the mathematical genius, often used to help us both and I tried the same for Science and social. No one realised how time was running by, 3rd unit test already... hardly a month to go before the summer vacation.

I always used to spend every single day of vacation at my native place... this time I decided not to and plans were on. After days of arguments and proposals we finally decided upon something very interesting... a General Knowledge Book. We decided to make a GK Book that could be used by three of us. We had a good number of books but no book had everything!! So we decided to put together every piece of information we could gather. We divided the work among ourselves... I was incharge of collecting the information, Uppi the incharge for the paper and binding (his father was working in a paper industry!!) and Shiva was held responsible for printing.

None of us were good at computers, so the idea of typing everything in MS Word was ruled out. The house owner of Shiva had a type-writer and Shiva had asked his permission for using it during the Summer. Uppi got all the necessary white sheets... to make it look a bit attractive, we decided to put a green coloured page after every white sheet - effectively making the book have 2 colours! The size of the sheets was A5 (my love for that size and the green coloured sheets is alive even today!). I had collected some 6 books which included Manorama 1999, Upkar's etc. To keep the book updated, I got newspaper cuttings of all major news starting Jan 1st. We were about to come out with a book better than Manorama itself... the very thought was exciting! Just to add to our excitement, we got a few more books from the Librarian (they were Specimen copies, which were being cleared)...

By the end of March, we had finished all major arrangements... I had written down some 50-60pages which had to be typed, Uppi had drawn margins for over 200 sheets, Shiva was coming up with a schedule for our work. It was exam time again and for a few days we had to postpone work... When we got back to it after the exams, we were reviewing our work... corrections, updates, editing, formatting, cover-page design... the work was getting tougher, more satisfying... we wanted everything to be ready before we started the typing. I had started working in the nights at home and during day at Uppi's home. Things were ON.. full swing!!

The content was up-to-date, exhaustive, reliable, presented according to our convenience, table of contents, index, photos... you name it, we had it. It was going to be the best work of our lives.. Everything about the book was excellent except for one thing -



We could never type it!



I tried to carry on the work for as long as I could but somewhere things went wrong... the book is still waiting to be printed... I still miss our work... every time I am in a team working on something, I get reminded of my old days...

@ Uppi and Shiva - we will finish our book some day... I will pray that the day is not very far..

Few things I don't remember - The name of the book, the reason why we stopped, our budget, did others know about this? ...

--buddi
0450
24 - 11 - 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Home, Sweet Home!


Home, Sweet Home!

Home, Sweet Home!
Few wait to be back,
Few on a journey to find one,
Eventually everyone has one.

Be it
the lonely bird,
the deserted house,
the travelling Ravi,
or yourself...

Everyone will be back home
Home, Sweet Home!

--buddi
0245
18 - 11 - 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

The journey continues...

2. The journey continues...

It had started drizzling outside. I could see myself running along those slippery boundaries of the paddy fields, sitting under those big tamarind trees after getting totally drenched, playing kabaddi beside the temple, races to cross the muddy trench, running along the roads to have a plate of bhajji... tonnes and tonnes of those moments. All of them in rain. Memories are a good thing to have. Sometimes I am into this doubt - was it all real? or, was I just dreaming? There is a line dividing dreams and reality... in the run all these years I have forgotten the line. I often dream about getting back to my friends, getting back to my old days... I don't know when I got separated from them. It is a dream... hope it always isn't!

Dreaming is a healthy sign... at least you know that somewhere within you the spirit is still alive. Everyone dreams and everyone has the right to dream... but what you dream could vary from the sweetest dreams to your struggle for survival in this world. I once dreamt of being a good doctor, a good citizen and what not. But today I feel I have been torn apart... Of all the people I see around, there is hardly any one who has been behind their dreams. The kids working in these stations, the kids polishing shoes, the kids selling tea, what have they done to be deprived of all those wonderful dreams of childhood...

Oops.. an alarm! My watch shows 8am... time for my BP tablets. Suddenly the alarm had broken my chain of thoughts. I don't know how these tablets work on me. My doctor tells me that one tablet a day helps keep my BP in control... I doubt that. I always feel I was more warm blooded during my college days, now I am all the more passive to insult... and high BP?? They don't go together! Yesterday's was the last tablet I had taken... at least I want freedom from these.

Oh.. what was I thinking about? I missed it... will recollect it in a while. But whatever it was, I know it was yet another confession. Memories... memories... they haunt you... they are something you relish... they are something that will make you cry. But one thing is true, every memory is a moment you had lived... so there is nothing like you can't.

The train was slowing down... further delay... damn! The place looks very scenic... barely visible green hills in the backdrop, the track some 10ft above the surrounding area, dim light, drizzling... A couple of huts were now visible. A yellow board having the name "Kuttulu"... is this a station? I was looking for the platform... can't find any. A beautiful village.. with hardly any houses in the vicinity. A excellent place to be at - I thought. It was indeed very intoxicating. Should I get down here? Why did the train stop here? Where am I going to stay? Did the train stop for me? I don't think so. Everyone looked disturbed seeing that the train stopped there. I was telling myself to get down and that this was the place to be. But I didn't know any one here... in fact I never heard of this place. Yes.. No.. Yes.. No.. My thoughts were going no where. The horn was blown... the train was going to start. I didn't want to repent once again in life... I decided I would get down.

I quickly pulled my bags and ran for the door... the train had started moving. I pushed my bags out... I didn't ever care to see where they fell. It was now my turn, the train had gained good speed. I doubted whether I could make it... without wasting much time I set my foot on the ground and tried my best to keep up with the speed of the train. Not quite there.... THUD!

--buddi
0443
17 - 11 - 2008

Saturday, November 15, 2008

You are special!


You are special!

No questions ever raised,
no reasons ever seeked,
as simple as it sounds,
as simple as this is

You are special!

I wish to learn,
I wish to live,
with thoughts to be shared,
with memories to be taken forward...

I admire, I envy,
hardly anytime left,
too many to catch up with,
you are too BIG to explain

You are special!

--buddi
0438
15 - 11 - 2008


PS: This is about a couple of my friends. They know its about them.. for the rest it is about some one you would like to be...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

To the land where I belong

Photo Credits: Purri (taken from a moving train Jan, 2008)

1. To the land where I belong

The red sun, a vast expanse of green paddy fields with a faint fog, the scarecrows, the thatched roofs, the cattle, the canals, the odour of the dung, the metal roads, the tobacco leaves... aah! I can already feel my heart pounding. This journey never seemed to be so long, I had been on this route for all my life but still it has been a long one... another 100 miles to go! I had spent the whole night sitting by the window for this air, “this is where I belong”. Suddenly a sense of belongingness! The cold breeze is cutting through my old-wrinkled skin, as I put on my sweater I imagine myself standing in those fields with open arms... as free as I was as a kid, as free I want to be...

It has been a long life, always doing something for my tomorrow. I am here now, nothing more to do, no where to go... In this part of your life, everything seems to come to a halt suddenly. You realise that you no longer are going to take the same crowded bus to your office, you no longer share lunch with your colleagues, no more of those jokes over a coffee... the day you retire, everything that has been a habit for over 30yrs is all gone. The first few days after that are the worst, unable to decide what to do, unable to ask for help, “I was driven crazy”. Thats the time when you think, you dig into your life... what have you done for yourself?

That one question has set me on this journey. My journey to find home. My journey to find my soul, I had dropped somewhere in this countryside. At this age, when I don't know when my body is going to give up... all that I long for is 'life'. Life in its simplest forms... I hope to find some company in these fields, in these streams, ponds and whatever is here. “This is where I belong” feels really good to say that. It is going to be my home for as long as I live. All of life is about finding 'home', a home where you get the love you crave for and the peace which we all seek.

Whenever this thought runs across my mind it does bring a smile on my face, “but what am I going to do there?” I have no idea of that... may be play, may be sing, may be dance, may be write... absolutely anything that reminds me that “I am alive”. I have nothing to give to this world now. When I look at the others in the compartment, everyone in their own world, I see myself among them. I was as ignorant as everyone here is, except for the kid whose dreams are still undisturbed by this cruel world!

My name is Ravi. I am going home...

--buddi
0801
09 – 11 – 2008

Saturday, November 8, 2008

A start or an end

Courtesy: Internet

A start or an end

Please forgive me...
I now know I was wrong,
but there is hardly any that I can do now
it is out of my hands now

If you are still feeling low
please tell me...
anything I can do to help you
Please forgive me

Your words still play with my mind
I have learnt my lesson
but I was made to pay
I repent for what I created
Are things just going to end here?

No not again,
I can't take any of this more
lost in between thoughts
tiring and lonely - the last thing I want

Was it the end I hoped against
Was it just a better start that you showed
don't know what to take from it
unless you say something more

As I wait for that and look into the dark day
I still don't know what I think about
but one thing I want to say again
please forgive me

--buddi
0401
27 - 08 - 2008

PS: An ice-breaker... nothing comes so easily, so was this one. I couldn't think of something better... Hope things get better. I owe all of this and the ones yet to come here, to a friend of mine. Someone about whom I haven't yet written... things just don't end with a "thank you"... things just don't end here. Thank you my dear friend.

Courtesy: Internet