What is the fun in being a cynic? Not many have asked me this but I guess many would be wondering, after few of their bitter encounters with me. "But why" is a big question to be answered!
Some have attached me with the negative responses so deeply that they went ahead calling it Praveen's TM... that leaves me a lot confused. Is this what I was looking for? Well, looking at the story from side it is actually irritating to be named critic, cynic, carper, adverse... People got it wrong, I got it wrong.
After the destructive work I have done to myself, now there is no looking back. But, I can assure people one thing - there was some intention behind making a fool out of myself...
Some time back, I made a few promises to my favorite lecturer. I never forgot my promise but I never kept my word. It was always - "I will do it tomorrow". It went on for almost 2 years. Then one day when I woke up I got the news that he was no more... Since that day the guilt that I couldn't keep my word has been pinching me... there was nothing I could do, all was over. I was late, I hated myself for this reason. It was then that I decided that I will do justice to every promise I make.
As a member of GRID & IViL I promised myself that I will strive to do whatever I can to help in the rural development. I had to live upto promises I made to myself. Today, I usually take the critic's side just to ensure that anything that we do suceeds... at least there shouldn't be anything half-hearted...
But, was I doing it constructively??
I don't know... what is the point in being the blockade in every move made by the team?
May be I should stop... May be I should leave it to the discretion of the team to decide what is right or wrong... May be I should play the role of a humble volunteer doing jobs indicated by the team... What is the point in acting? What is the point in killing my reality??
Better play it safe...
--buddi
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18 - 2 - 2008
very honest.....ab intra
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