The red sun, a vast expanse of green paddy fields with a faint fog, the scarecrows, the thatched roofs, the cattle, the canals, the odour of the dung, the metal roads, the tobacco leaves... aah! I can already feel my heart pounding. This journey never seemed to be so long, I had been on this route for all my life but still it has been a long one... another 100 miles to go! I had spent the whole night sitting by the window for this air, “this is where I belong”. Suddenly a sense of belongingness! The cold breeze is cutting through my old-wrinkled skin, as I put on my sweater I imagine myself standing in those fields with open arms... as free as I was as a kid, as free I want to be...
It has been a long life, always doing something for my tomorrow. I am here now, nothing more to do, no where to go... In this part of your life, everything seems to come to a halt suddenly. You realise that you no longer are going to take the same crowded bus to your office, you no longer share lunch with your colleagues, no more of those jokes over a coffee... the day you retire, everything that has been a habit for over 30yrs is all gone. The first few days after that are the worst, unable to decide what to do, unable to ask for help, “I was driven crazy”. Thats the time when you think, you dig into your life... what have you done for yourself?
That one question has set me on this journey. My journey to find home. My journey to find my soul, I had dropped somewhere in this countryside. At this age, when I don't know when my body is going to give up... all that I long for is 'life'. Life in its simplest forms... I hope to find some company in these fields, in these streams, ponds and whatever is here. “This is where I belong” feels really good to say that. It is going to be my home for as long as I live. All of life is about finding 'home', a home where you get the love you crave for and the peace which we all seek.
Whenever this thought runs across my mind it does bring a smile on my face, “but what am I going to do there?” I have no idea of that... may be play, may be sing, may be dance, may be write... absolutely anything that reminds me that “I am alive”. I have nothing to give to this world now. When I look at the others in the compartment, everyone in their own world, I see myself among them. I was as ignorant as everyone here is, except for the kid whose dreams are still undisturbed by this cruel world!
It has been a long life, always doing something for my tomorrow. I am here now, nothing more to do, no where to go... In this part of your life, everything seems to come to a halt suddenly. You realise that you no longer are going to take the same crowded bus to your office, you no longer share lunch with your colleagues, no more of those jokes over a coffee... the day you retire, everything that has been a habit for over 30yrs is all gone. The first few days after that are the worst, unable to decide what to do, unable to ask for help, “I was driven crazy”. Thats the time when you think, you dig into your life... what have you done for yourself?
That one question has set me on this journey. My journey to find home. My journey to find my soul, I had dropped somewhere in this countryside. At this age, when I don't know when my body is going to give up... all that I long for is 'life'. Life in its simplest forms... I hope to find some company in these fields, in these streams, ponds and whatever is here. “This is where I belong” feels really good to say that. It is going to be my home for as long as I live. All of life is about finding 'home', a home where you get the love you crave for and the peace which we all seek.
Whenever this thought runs across my mind it does bring a smile on my face, “but what am I going to do there?” I have no idea of that... may be play, may be sing, may be dance, may be write... absolutely anything that reminds me that “I am alive”. I have nothing to give to this world now. When I look at the others in the compartment, everyone in their own world, I see myself among them. I was as ignorant as everyone here is, except for the kid whose dreams are still undisturbed by this cruel world!
My name is Ravi. I am going home...
--buddi
0801
09 – 11 – 2008
Hope Ravi finds a village Belle too (as u haven't mentioned anyone else along with him)...
ReplyDeleteinteresting post....i somehow have have a hunch that Ravi's Diary is gonna be non-linear
That's a really enticing and engaging post! Feels like things are happenning as I read!
ReplyDelete