Why I chose to be what I want to be

There are several people who keep asking me questions like.. Why did you join the development sector? Why did you want to become a teacher? Why did you start GRID? Why did you quit IViL? Why did you join SVYM? Why do you take classes at ABS? Why did you choose nuclear physics? Why did you drop nuclear physics for neuroscience? And the best of all.. Why are you ruining your career at SVYM?

"Just trying out different things!"

And suddenly in most cases there would be an expression of shock or giving up on me. Most of the times I don't have convincing answers. However, it is an interesting exercise to look back and think of why I chose to be what I wanted to be (Sometimes / Many times what we want to be is different from what we choose to be). This is my search for those answers and a look into if I still do it.

Why I chose to be a teacher & my experiences..

My first assignment as a teacher was to spend some time with the students of 7th class on weekends and get some pocket money. The first few days of my class were mechanical - a presentation (given to me by my employer), few students and a blackboard. As the students changed and as I got used to the "drill" I started realizing that in the name of a foundation programme (for competitive exams :P), parents were being cheated and students were being tortured. I never really understood, why parents wanted to pain their children with these classes on weekends.

To answer my conscience, I had broken off from the traditional way and started discussing rather than lecturing. Things suddenly looked changed, the kids were more active and interactive and I was sure they learnt more this way. Very soon, I stopped using the presentations and discussions.. we got into a story telling mode. 5 of us, sit in a circle and tell something that was related to that day's theme. We used to have two sessions of 1.5hrs each and in between there was a round of badminton. We all used to enjoy it! The kids suddenly had so many things to tell me. I learnt one of the first lessons as a teacher - students have so much to say, we just need to give them a chance.

I did have to bear the heat from my employer and I was forced out but I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't want to step outside the class and say "My class in over"... I wanted to be a mentor. I had envied many of my teachers and tried imitating them. That is what being a teacher is more about - not just teach science or social but being a role-model in every sense. The dressing, body language, language, behavior is all looked at very closely by our students, I was learning all of these. As I started enjoying it more, there were more issues troubling me and I set out to change at least a few. I started talking to teachers and wanted to change the way few things were being done. Hit road-blocks at most places!

In my quest to understand more, I began to teach several age groups... those in the age group of late 20s to 6th standard kids. It was a very different experience, learnt new things. Students tend get more conscious about their surroundings and neighbors with age, even getting a doubt clarified would become very difficult. Unknowingly I had started observing the psychology of the students - changes in it and the external influences. It was interesting to note how a child's thought process changes.. my first case study was myself, how small and seemingly unimportant things change our attitude towards life. It was nice to come up with a chronological order of events and relate to how they brought about the crests and troughs. This became one of the motivations for me to take a class to the ground and then observe the students - how they play, how they get involved, how they interact and so on. With a better understanding of the kids we would be in a position to relate better.

From being a teacher, there was a stage when I wanted to teach teachers how to teach. I just didn't say this to any teacher but that was what I meant.. I was sick of the tiring and quiet lectures. I was hated at most places, people started feeling insecure! I have neither had the qualification and experience to be a teacher nor did I read any books. I was questioned repeatedly. I am grateful to SVYM for having had faith in me.

Still the compound walls exist, most times wherever I go, people think I am more of an intrusion. I don't believe in bribing students with stars on the conduct chart, I want to be a 'teacher' not a maths/science textbook interpreter, I have to close eyes in the assembly for the kid to learn from me rather than keep a watch on them and punish whoever doesn't do it, I have to respect every high school student to make them respect each other, I have to leave behind my ego or other personal issues to work with the entire team to create a better environment for the kids to learn, I am sure none of these makes me a bad teacher and I hope I can be accepted as a fellow teacher or want-to-be-teacher. I no longer try to preach to teachers, that was a failed experiment. It is an emotionally more satisfying exercise to work with students than teachers!

The talks on "Brain & Psychology" and "Research in education" which I gave at VTTRC (Thanks to P Mahesh, Principal, VTTRC) have been my most memorable moments as a teacher. They were entirely based on my experiences as a teacher, giving examples of students I had observed. Though they would have been unorthodox, I can now proudly say I can talk for 3 hours on what I learnt from my experiences. Every place I go to - students are different, cultures are different. It is as if I am starting all over again. The journey goes on... I still WANT TO BE A TEACHER.

--buddi

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18 - 06 - 2010

PS: I have always avoided taking classes and feel uncomfortable if I have to in the Primary School, as it takes a teacher to be of high morals to teach and shape the minds. And I am surely not of the high morals.