Yesterday had been a different day... a day of little success. It has been a day of little known failure for many of our team-mates. People went back to question their own ideas, their own work, but how relevant was it to the context is a question better answered by themselves. People tend to act normal, but people tend to like to move alone.
For the first time in life I really happened to be on the other side of the wall, first time I tried to pacify some one in "my" team. I knew how they felt, though I wasn't really able to tell them how bad I was feeling, though I knew I was over doing everything I tried, I kept trying. As time passed by people seemed to be getting back to normal but the whole environment was different, an unlike our-team environment. First time may be I was feeling the itch of being in a team, I had always preferred to be alone. Now, what is that really natters to me -
an institutional recognition to the idea which the team attached so much importance to, or, the 45 wonderful day the team had provided me. Those have been days of accomplishments, those have been days of modest victories. Robert Frost was right in saying - Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. May be it is the other way for the team.
I have always been a person with few accomplishments but more happiness in life. My failures never cost me much, may be a day or two's sleep. My incapability to make the people around me realise that this success never really mattered has been really killing me. This seems to be a bigger defeat than losing out in some competition. For the first time in life you seem to be involved with a team, you attach so much importance to it, you celebrate every moment in its presence and one day you realise that every moment you thought you achieved you never did. It is just a pack of cards falling apart. My unimaginably bright and happy days just came to an end. This is more painful. The "team"... I have failed to be a part of it, may be not my cup of tea but still I want to give one last try...
"Well I have made complaints to many people.. "I am never at the right place.... This is not the right place for me..." But here I am today seeing things in a much different way. Well i was at the right place most of the times... just a few things went wrong and life seems to have become miserable... we are almost never ready to accept that we enjoy as much as success as anyone else... but success really matters when it is hard-earned.. then it tastes sweet to you... failure on the other hand is the other way.. every undeserving failure brings along with it a bag full of hope and energy to work on...
All that matters is not the place where you are.. it is the work you put in to make the surroundings look more pleasing to you... You will enjoy the same success even without those efforts but your success will come and will pass by and even you won't realise that... nothing that adds to your joy...
All that you put in is to satisfy your egoistic needs..
given the place you are in now you can do two things.. put in some work to turn things your way or put in some more work to dig out your success which went on even without you realizing it..."
Just hoping that I never will have to work alone again... Just hoping that I never bid a GOOD BYE to the team which gave me those few yet innumerable memorable days in IIT... Just hoping...
--buddi
0745
07 - 03 - 2008
Few lines have been directly picked from my entry named 'Being at the wrong place'... just couldn't do it even the last time...
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